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‘MANUAL OF ETIQUETTE. | 11
Never speak harshly or imperatively to your
servants in the presence of your guests. It would
be as annoying to them as it would be cruel to
your servants. If they make any mistake, or
reak anything, you will avoid keeping the at-
tention of the party to it for a single minute.
Remember that you cannot appear to be annoyed
yourself without annoying your friends at the
same time.
Avoid by all means everything unpleasant at
jtable. It any of your guests so far forget the
)rules of good breeding as to speak disparagingly
of any person, you will show your tact by in-
‘stantly turning the attention of the party upon
something else.. A backbiter is always deemed
‘\ .@ nuisance in really polite society, but especially
so at table, when everything unpleasant 13s
»shunned as the bane of the common enjoyment.
Always go to a dinner as neatly dressed as
possible. The expensiveneas of your apparel is
aiot of much importance, but its freshness and
cleanliness are indispensable.e The hands and
Ainger nails require special attention. It is a
great insult to every lady at the table for a man
0 sit down dinner with his‘ hands in a bad
‘ondition.
Nothing more plainly shows the well-bred
man than his manners at table. A man may be
avell dressed, may converse well—and these are
_ allin his favor—but if he is, after all, unrefined,
-his manners at table will be sure to expose him,
If he is au fait at dinner he has passed one of
the severest tests of good breeding. .
Any unpleasant peculiarity, abruptness or
-coarseness of manners is especially offensive at
table. People are more easily disgusted at that
‘time than at any other. Any such acts as lean-
‘ing over on one side on your own chair, placing
your elbows on the table, or on the back of your
‘meighbor’s chair, gaping, twisting about restlessly
co. dn your seat, are to be avoided as heresies of the
| most infidel stamp at table.
fo Though the body at table should always be
kept in a tolerably ppright and easy position
cyet one need not sit bolt upright, as stiff and
prim as a pole. To be easy, to be natural, and
i _ to appear comfortable is the deportment re-
ire:
{ In conversation, everything should be avoided
‘that will have a tendency to remind any one
who is in the company of past or present
: tronbles, or which can cause uneasiness of any
kind to any individual. Any conversation (that
ds, not interdicted by decency or propriety)
which can be pleasing to the whole company 18
desirable. Amusement, more than instruction,
-even, is to be sought for in social parties. Peo-
ple are not supposed to come together on such
occasions because they are ignorant and need
‘teaching, but to seck amusement and relaxation
‘from professional and daily cares. The books
-on etiquette usually tell you that “ punning is
_ scrupulously to be avoided as a species of ale-
house art,” and a savage remark of Dr. Johnson
‘is frequently quoted on the subject. But pun-
‘ning is no more to be avoided than any other
: ‘kind of wit; and if all wit is to be banished from
: the social circle, it will be left a stupid affair in-
! deed. All kinds of wit, puns by: no means ex-
cepted, give a relish to social parties, when they
‘spring up naturally and spontaneously out of
‘the themes of conversation. But for a man to
‘be constantly straining himself to make jokes 1s
‘so render himself ridiculous, and to annoy the
whole company, and is, therefore, what no gen-
*sleman will be guilty of.
yhatever passes in parties at your own or an-
-other’s house is never repeated by well-bred
people. Things of no moment, and which are
meant only as harmless jokes, are liable to pro-
’ * .duce unpleasant consequences if repeated. To
- repeat, therefore, any conversation which passes
-on such occasions, is understood to be a breach
‘of confidence which should banish the offender
from the pale of good society. In a mixed com-
pany, never speak to a friend of a matter which
‘the rest do not understand, unless it is some-
thing which you can explain to them, and which
amay be made interesting to the whole party.
A gentleman will by all means avoid showing
his learning and accomplishments in the pres-
ence of ignorant and vulgar people, who can by
no possibility understand or appreciate them.
‘It is a sign of bad breeding to do or say any-
sthing likely to make people feel uncomfortable.
Do not talk too loud in company. It is pre-
sumptuous for you to take it for granted that
everybody present is anxious*to listen to you;
and you may, besides, disturlf the conversation
already going on between others. You will also,
af possible, avoid “talking to any one across the
room. If you havessomething particular to say
to an individnal, wait until yu can get an op-
* portunity to seat yourself by hia side, -
woh ctanetanine Boe
It is regarded a breach of etiquette to repeat
the name of any person with whom you are con-
versing. —
Palpable flattery is on all occasions a great in-
sult; and yet flattery is a great sweetness of
social life, 1f one has the knowledge of the human
heart and the skill to use it without abusing it.
Your coloring must be as subtle and delicate as
the ‘‘ faintest blush on the Provence rose.”” But
there is one, kind of flattery which is the most
seductive, the most pleasing and gratifying of all,
and which can at all times be safely used—we
mean the flattery of attention, which is always
soothing to our vanity, and is one of the cardinal
virtues of good breeding.
all means avoid the use of slang terms and
phrases in polite company. No greater insult
can be offered to polite society than to repeat the
slang of bar-rooms and other low places. If
you are willing to have it known that you are
familiar with such language Fourself, you have
no right to treat a party of ladies and gentlemen
as though they were too.
Do not dispute in a party of ladies and gentle-
men. If a gentleman advances an opinion
which is different from ideas you are known to
entertain, either appear not to have heard it, or
differ with him as gently as possible. You will
not say, ‘Sir, fou are mistaken!” ‘‘You are
wrong!” or, that you ‘‘happen to know better;’
but you will rather use some such phrase as
‘Pardon me; if I am not mistaken,” ete. This
will give him a chance to say some such civil
thing, as that he regrets to disagree with you;
and if he has not the good manners to do it, you
have, at any rate, established your own manners
as those of a gentleman in the eyes of the com-
pany. And when you have done that you need
not trouble yourself about any opinions he may
advance contrary to your own.
Courtship.
Arg there any good reasons why the subject of
love should be shrouded in mystery, for it is the
one which occupies, more than all others, the
human thoughts? We think not. Poetry is
filled with it. Romance is replete with it.
The drama, tragic, comic, or: operatic, turns
upon it. It finds a large space in history.
Itis the most interesting theme of society.
Allsociety, properly so-called, is the result of
mutual attraction of the sexes for each other;
and social forms, observances, occasions,
amusements, and pleasures, are all subordi-
nate to this end. there is no society otherwise.
Clubs, where men meet to read newspapers,
talk politics, dine, and play together, are not
society. Tea parties, and other exclusive as-
semblages of the ladies, are not society, These
are its severed halves which require to come to-
gether, and the charm which draws them
together is, in its purest form, and its highest
expression, the passion of love.
ft 1s not for us here todiscuss love morally,
physically, or spiritually; but, recognizing it as
an existing fact, motive and condition, give the
character ofits manifestations.
A young man entering society at the age
when young men begin to be desirable members
—which is not until they are capable of the
tender passion—is likely to be attracted by one
ormore persons, The firstattraction of avery
young man is likely to bea lady of mature years,
and this sentiment, when it can be indulged with-
out ridicule or scandal, and has for its object a
woman of taste and character, is a great good
fortune. It is the true and natural mode cf com-
pleting the education. Such a woman is just the
teacher and friend a young man needs to polish
his manners, refine his taste, improve his under-
standing, and ripen his heart. Itis a relation of
tender devotion on one side, and of a proud
and careful mentorship on the other.
In France, where, under all forms of govern-
ment there has been more social freedom and
true refinement among the educated classes
than in other countries, this relation exists now
as it did inthe days of Chesterfield, and with
the finest social results. With us there is less
freedom, and more suspicion. There is the fear
of rigicule_ on one side, and of scandal on the
other; and instead of young men forming
beautiful and improving friendships with women
of talent and experience, they often fall into
foolish flirtations, inconsiderate courtships, and
imprudent and unhappy marriages with girls of
their own age.
Attwenty-tive, if established in life, or witha
reasonable prospect of being able to supporta
family, a young man may think of marriage,
more especially if, in the society of his friends,
he finds some person of suitable age, position,
and attraction; one whom, compared with all
iwi, oe oe bem as n”
:
others, satisfies his judgment as well as inspires
his life; one for whom he feels that he can give
pall other attractions. Then let him frankly
and honorably offer her those particular re-
gards, those delicate attentions which portend
the offer of the heart. . .
A love affair, of whatever kind, and particu-
larly one that looks to marriage as ite result,
ought to be conducted with caution and delicacy,
There should benorashnessor mistake. If you.
would be sure of the state of your own heart,
you should wish to be no less sure of the rea)
relation existing -between you and the womar
you. would make your partner for life. Be
certain that you have not surprised her, when
she may be merely pleased with you, into an en-
gagement she will feel bound to keep, however
false; or that you are indebted less to love
than the managing of matchmaking intermed-
diers and theimportunities of relations, er ever
that which you mistake for love, and what the:
lady sincerely believes to be such, is only an ap-
In your attentions, in your declarations, in the
prudence and frankness of your deportment,
make sure of your own sentiments and of those
ofthe lady; and, when thus sure, express your--
self, either Personally or by letter, in a frank
and honorable manner, having no doubt of the
character of your feelings and wishes, And
when you have been accepted, and the engage-
ment made, be discreet in your raptures, and
begin preparing with all diligence and dignity
tor the change that awaits you,
‘ Young ladies claim the right of deciding for
themselves, and the form of ‘‘asking papa”
not always complied with; but, as marriage in-
troduces you into certain relations to the famil
of the bride, it is proper that you should as
consent. It is seldom refused without good
reason.
But before advancing to the period of marriage
there are certain considerations to be discussed
of no little importance, Ought you to regard
property, position, ete., in choosing a wife? If
you choose at all, choose by all means for every-"
thing that is desirable, that isif with propert
you can also have love, health, good-temper, an
education. By education we donot mean an
acquaintance with all, or even with any one, of
what are termed accomplishments. A woman
may be well informed and self-disciplined toa
degree that will render her an admirable wife
for a man of sense without being able to speak
any but her vernacular tongue, or play upon
any instrument save that “harp of a thousand
strings,” the human heart! Do notlet us be
understood as undervaluing the embellishments
of social and domestic life as presented by the |
lovelicr part of creation. We wish only to express
the conviction that the most elegant and varied
accomplishments are a very poor equivalent for
poverty of the head and heart in a woman who
is to become the friend and counsellor, to whom
you will look for enduring affection and
sympathy, as well when the trials, the cares,
and the sorrows of mortal existence shall lower
heavily over you, as while you mutually move
along amid the flowers and sunshine of youth.
A career of idleness and irresponsibility is not
a desirable prelude to the systematic routine of
quiet duties essential to the home happiness of
a man of moderate resources and retired habits,
It may be questioned whether a woman who has
been jong accustomed to the adulation and the
excitement of a crowd will be content to find en-
joyment sufficient and enduring in the simple
pleasure which alone willbe at her command,
thus circumstanced.
ut while even the incentive afforded by al
the affection of which such an ephemeral being
is capable willrender conformity to this new
position difficult of attainment, she who is early
accustomed to look thoughtfully upon life as
beautiful and bright indeed, but as involving
serious responsibilities and solemn obligations,
will bring toa union with one of similar per-
ceptions and principles asenseof mght and
duty which will make it no discouraging task to
her to begin with her husband where he begins.
Such a one will be content to tread on at an even
pace beside him, through the roughness that
may beset his progress, cheerfully encounter. -
ing obstacles, and:ever fully imbued with that
patient, loving spirit whose motto is, ‘* Bear one
another’s burdens,”
We do not counsel people to marry for money *
—we warn them against mistaking the emotions
of gratified vanity, the hope of. independence
and the satisfaction of acquisitiveness, for the
love or real union of hearts of which the mare
riage ceremony should be only the external ex-
pression; but where a true love exists, wealth
on cither side is but an accident, and not te,