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MANUAL OF ETIQUETTE.', 9g
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~ nize him as you approach by a smile, and touch-
ing your hat, salute him audibly with—‘ Good
morning, sir,’ or “ ou are well, sir,” or
(more familiarly) ‘‘ Ah, Fred! good morning to
ou.”. If you wish to stop a moment, especially
~ {n a thoroughfare, retain the hand you take,
while you retire a little out of the human cur-
rent; and never fall into the absurdity of at-
tempting to draw a tight or moistened glove
while another waits the slow process. It is better
to offer the gloved hand as a rule without an
apology in the street.
f you are compelled to detain a friend when
he is walking with a stranger, briefly but politely
apologize to the stranger, and keep no one “in
durance vile” longer than absolute necessity re-
quires. When thus circumstanced yourself, re-
spond cheerfully and courteously to the apolo-
getic phrase offered, and, drawing aside, occupy
yourself with anything but the private conversa-
tion that interrupts your .walk. Sometimes
circumstances render it decorous to pass on with
some courteous phrase, to step into some neigh-
boring bookseller’s,.ete., or to make a rapid
appointment for a reunion. It is desirable to
cultivate the quick discernment, the ready tact
which will engender ease of manner under those
and similar circumstances requiring prompt
action. A friend should never be left suddenly
in the street without an apology; the briefest
phrase expressed in a cordial tone will suffice in
an emergency.
Upon passing servants, or others inferior in
station, whom you wish to recognize in the
street, it is a good practice, without bowing or
.touching the hat, to salute them ina kindly voice.
At Church and Elsewhere.
Wure at church simple, good taste will dic-
tate the most quiet and unnoticeable bearing.
Let us say with Mrs. Chapone, that ‘itis part
of our religion not to disturb the religion of
others.” To enter early enough to be well-
seated before the service commences, to attend
politely, but very unostentatiously, to the little
courtesies that may render others comtortable,
to avoid all rude staring, and all appearance of
inattention to the proper occupations of the oc-
casion, as well as every semblance of irrever-
ence, will occur to all well-bred_ people as
obviously required by decorum. When, how-
ever, late in reaching church, one should, as on
all similar occasions, endeavor to disturb others
as little as possible; but with equal studiousness
avoid the vulgar exhibition of discomposure, of
over-diffidence, or of any consciousness, indeed,
of being observed, which so unmistakably savors
of low breeding. Self-possession is one of tho
distinctive attributes of a gentleman, and it is
often best illustrated by a simple, quiet, success-
ful manner of eting the exigencies and
peculiarities of circumstances.
A hat should never be. worn on going into
~ church. Remove it in the vestibule, and on no
account resume it until you return thither, un-
less health imperatively demands your doing so
. just before reaching the door opening into it.
All nodding, whispering. and exchanging of
glances in church is in bad taste. Salutations,
even with intimate friends, should always be
very quietly exchanged while one is still within
tke body pf the sacred edifice, And it is always
proper when compelled to hurry past those of
- right before you at church, or elsewhere in a
‘
crowd, to apologize briefly but politely for dis-
commoding any one.
hen in attendance upon ladies, as at tho
+ opera, concerts, lectures, etc., there is entire
: propriety in remaining with them in the seat you
ave paid for, or secured ‘by early attendance.
* No gentleman should be expected to separate
himself from a party to give his place to a lady
under such circumstances. But while it is quite
justifiable to retain the seat taken upon entering
sucha public place, nothing is more wholly in-
admissible than crowding in and out of your
place repeatedly, talking anid laughing aloud,
teistimed applauding, ete. Ifyou are not pres-
ent for the simple purposo of witnessing the per-
formance, whatever it may be, there are persons
who are, and it is not only exceedingly vulgar,
bat selfish, to invado their rights in this regard.
Bo careful, therefore, to secure your libretto,
eencert bill, or programme, as the case may be,
before assuming your seat, that you may not in-
convenience anyone in rising. Should any
unforescen necessity compel you to crowd past
others, and afterward resume your seat, pre-
sume as little as possible upon their forbearance
by great care of dresses, toes, etc., and each
time politely apologize for the inconvenience you
occasion, When standing or moving about dur-
‘ing the intervals of a performance, well-bred
people are never disregardful of the rights and
comforts of others. .
In a picture gallery, at an exhibition of statu-
ary, ete., nothing can be more indicative of a
want of refinement sufficient to appreciate true
art, than the impertimence exhibited im audible
comments upon the subjects before you; and in
interfering with the enjoyment of others by
passing before them, moving seats noisily, talk-
ing and. laughing aloud, etc. With persons of
taste and refinement, there is a sacredness in
the presence of genius, to desecrate which is as
vulgar as it is irreverential of the beautiful and
good. It is well, therefore, to show the most
scrupulous regard to the rights and feelings of
others when yourself a devotee at the shrine of
ZEsthetics, by attention to the minutest forms of
courtesy. . This will cause you to leave your
place the moment your rise, to carry everything
with you belonging to you, never to stop to
shawl ladies, to don an overcoat, or dispose of
an opera glass, until you can do so without in-
terrupting the comfort ot those you leave behind
you.
When you wish to tako refreshments, or to
offer them to ladies, itis better to repair to the
place where they are served, as a rule, unless it
e in the instance of a single glass of water, or
the like; except, of course, wken a party occupy
an opera box exclusively. To attach yourself
toa party of which you were not originally one
displays bad breeding, unless fully assured of
its being agreeable to the gentlemen previously
associated with ladies. Or ifa Gentlemen’s party
only attracts you, make yourself quite sure that
no peccadillo be involved in your joining it.
Some men practically adopt the opinion that
the courteous observances of social and domes-
tic life are wholly inapplicable to business inter-
course. A little consideration will prove this a
solecism. Good breeding is not a thing to be
put off and on with varying outward circum-
stances, If genuine, it will always exhibit itself
as certainly as integrity, or any other unalien-
able quality of an individual. The manifesta-
tions of this will, of course, vary with occasion;
but it will nevertheless be apparent at all times
and to all observers when its legitimate intluence
is rightly understood and admitted. Hence,
then, though the observance of elaborate cere-
mony in the more practical associations of busy
outer life would be absurdly inappropriate, that
careful respect for the rights and feelings of
others, which is the basis of all true politeness,
should not under these circumstances be dis-
regarded.
The secret of the superior popularity of some
business men with their compeers and employees
lies often rather in manner than in any. other
characteristic. You may observe in one instance
a universal favorite, to whom all his associates
extend a welcoming hand, as though there were
magic in the ready smile and genial manner,
and who is served by his inferiors in station with
cheerfulness and alacrity, mndicating that a little
more than a business bond draws them to him;
and, again, an upright but externally repulsive
taan, though always commanding respect from
his compeers, holds them aloof by his frigidity,
and receives the service of fear rather than of
love from those to whom he may be always just
and even humane, if never sympathizing and
unbending.
When walking with a friend and you meet an-
ether, do not introduce them to each other unless
you feel satisfied that an introductfon would be
agreeablo to each party. Always mtroduce the
gentleman to the lady, even when the rank of
the gentleman is higher, because ladies always
have the precedence of gentlemen.
meeting or passing in the street, it is the
lady’s place to bow first to a gentleman. Always
recognize inferiors or servants; not to do so lays
you open to be looked upon as proud.
Visiting.
Axoyne@ the minor obligations of social life per-
haps few things aro regarded as more formid-
able by the uninitiated than ceremonious morn-
ing visits to ladics. And perhaps among the
simple occurrences of ordinary existence, few
serve more fully to illustrate individual tact,
sclf-possession and conversational skill.
These visits must be necessarily short; they
should never be made at any inopportune hour,
such as breakfast, luncheon, dinner, ete., unless
specially requested. Persons who intrude them-
selves at unwonted hours are never welcome;
the lady of the honse dislikes to be disturbed
when she is perhaps dining with her children;
and the servants justly complain of being inter-
rupted at the hour when they assemble for the
midday meal,
.F"..
It is obviously unsuitable usually to prolong
an interview of this kind beyond a very moderata
length (half an hour amply suffices for a visit of
ceremony), and hence, as well as for other rea~
sons, the conversation should be light, varied,
and appropiate to outward circumstances.
It is proper to send your card, not only to an-
nounce yourself to strangers to whom you ma
wish to pay your respects, but to all ladies wit!
whom you are not upon very infimate terngs, and
at a private house to designate intelligibly to the ‘
servant who receives your card the individual,'!
or the several persons, whom you wish to see. i
Ifyou go to an hotel, etc., for this purpose,
write the name of the lady, or ladies, for whom
your visit is designed, upon your card above
your own name, and await the return of the
messenger where you part from him. Ifupom
his return you are to remain for your friends,
and there be a choice of apartments for that
purpose, unless you choose to station yourself
within sight of the stairs they must of need de-
scend, or the corridor through which they must
pass, let the porter in attendance distinctly
understand not only your name, but where
you are to be found, and if possible give him
some clue to the identification of the friends you
wish to see. After a few vexatious mistakes and
misapprehensions the wisdom of these precau-
tionary measures will be admitted.
hen you are shown into the drawing-room
of a private residence, if the mistress of the
house is present at once advance toward her,
Should she offer her hand be prompt to receive
it, and for this purpose, take your hat, stick aud
right hand glove (unless an occasion of extreme
ceremony demands your wearing the latter) in
your left hand as you enter. On no account
place your hat on the chair or table. Thero isa
graceful way of holding the hat which every
well-bred man understands, but which is in-
capable of explanation.
f your hcstess does not offer her hand when
she rises to receive you, simply bow as you
py your compliments, and take the seat she
esignates or that the servant places for you.
When there are other ladies cf the samo famuly(
present speak to each in succession, accordin
to age or other proper precedence, before sou
seat yourself, If there are ladies in the room
whom you do not know, bow slightly to them.
also, and if you are introduced after you have:
assumed a 6eat, rise and bow tothem. When
men &re introduced they mutually advance and
shake hands.
Some tact is necessary in deciding your moye-
ments when you find yourself preceded by other
visitors in making a morning call. Ifyou havo
no special reason, a8 a messago to deliver, or an
appointment to make, for lingering, and dig-
cover that you are interrupting a circle, or when
you are in the midst of strangers, where the con-
yersation does not at once become general upon.
your making one of them, address a few polite
phrases to your hostess, if you can do so with
ease and propriety from your position with re-
gard to her, and take leave, approaching her
nearly enough, when you riso to go, to make
your adieu audible, or to reccivo her hand
should she offer it. To strangers, even when
you have been introduced, you only bow in
passing, as you are about to quit the room.
Should you have a special object in calling
upon a lady, keep it carefully in view that you
may accomplish it before you leave her pres-
ence. When other visitors, or some similar cir-
cumstance, interfere with the accomplishment
of your purpose, you may writo what you wish
upon a card in the hallas yon go out, and intrust
it to a servant, or leave a message with hiui, or
in case of there being objections to either of
those methods of communication resort to an
appointment requested through him, or writo a
short note.
In making a visit of mere politeness, some
topic of interest should succeed to courtcous in-
When your object is to make an appointment,
give an invitation, etc., repeat the arrangement
finally agreed upon distinctly and deliberately
upon rising to go away, that both parties may
distinctly understand it, beyond the possibility
of mistake. :
In attending ladics who aro making morning
visits it 13 proper to assist them up the steps,
ring the bell, write cards, etc. Entering, always.
follow them into the house and into the drawing-
room, and wait until they have finished thefr
salutations, unless you have to perform the part
of presenting them. In that case you enter
with them or stand within tho door until they.
havo entered, and advance beside them into the
apartment.
_ Never remain seated in the company of Indica,
s