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a ene gg tne nen
A . MANUAL OF ETIQUETTE. | es
them short by saying,“ You have heard it before.”
Still worse to say you do not wish to hear it at all.
There are people who set themselves against
listeming to anything that can possibly excite
melancholy or painful feelings, and profess to
hear nothing that may give them a sad or un-
pleasant sensation. Those who have so much
tenderness for themselves have usually but little
tenderness for others.
Generally speaking, it is injudicious for ladies
to attempt arguing with gentlemen on political or
financial topics. All the information that a
woman can possibly acquire or remember on
these subjects is so small incomparison with the
knowledge of men that the discussion will not
elevate them in the opinion of masculine minds.
Still, it is well for a woman to desire enlighten-
ment, that she may comprehend something of
these discussions when she hears them from the
other sex, but let her refrain from controversy
and argument on such topics, as the grasp of the
female mind is seldom capable of seizing or re-
taining. Men are very intolerant toward women
who are prone to contradiction and contention
when the talk is of things considered out of their
ephero, but very indulgent toward a modest and
attentive listener, who only asks questions for
the sake of information. Men like to dispense
knowledge; but few of them believe that, in de-
partments exclusively their own, they can profit
much by the suggestions of women.
In taiking with a stranger, if the conversation
should turn toward sectarian religion, inquire to
- what Church he belongs, and then mention your
own Church. This, among people of good sense
and good manners, and we may add, of true
piety, will preclude all danger of remarks being
made on cither side which may be painful to
cither party. In giving your opinion of a new
book, a picture, or a piece of music, when con-
versing with an author, an artist, or a musician,
say, modestly, that ‘‘so it appears fo you”—
that ‘it has given you pleasure,” or the con-
trary. But do not positively or dogmatically
assert that it is good or thatitis bad. The per-
son with whom you are talking is, in all proba-
bility, a far more competent judge than yourself;
therefore listen attentively, and he may correct
‘your opinior and sect you right. If he fail to
convince you, remain silent or change the sub-
ject.
In being asked your candid opinion of a per-
son, be very cautious to whom you confide that
opinion, for, if repeated as yours, it may lead to
unpleasant consequences. It is only to an in-
timate and long-tried friend that you may safely
entrust certain things that, if known, might pre-
duce mischief. The practice so prevalent with
officious people of repeating to their friends
whatever they hear to their disadvantage cannot
be too severely condemned. True, no lady en-
titled to the name will wantonly lacerate the
feelings and mortify the self-love of those whom
aho calls her friends by telling them what has
been said about them by other friends. °
Obligations to Gentlemen.
In her intercourse with gentlemen a lady
should take care to avoid all peeuniary obliga-
tion. The civility which a gentleman conven-
tionally owes toa lady is a sufficient tax—more
-she haa no right to expect or accept. A man ot
‘cod sense and of true politeness will not be
offended at her unwillingness to become his
debtor. On the contrary, he will respect her
delicacy and approve her dignity, and consent at
once to her becoming her own banker on all
occasions where expense is to be incurred.
When invited to join a party to a place of
amusement let her consent iPehe wishes; but let
her state expressly that it is only on condition of
being permitted to pay for her own ticket. If
she steadily adheres to this custom it will soon
be understood that such 13 always ber commend-
able practice; and she can then, with perfect
‘propriety, at any time ask for a seat among
‘friends who intend going. To this accommoda-
tion she could not invite herself if in the con-
tinual habit of visiting public places at the ex-
pense of others. The best time for a lady to pay
for herself is to put her money into the hand of
the gentleman previous to their departure for
the place of performance. He will not be so rude
as to refuse it. If he does refuse, she should
evince her resentment by going with him no
ore.
We disapprovo of ladies going to charity fairs
in the evening, when they require a male escort,
and when that escort is likely to be drawn into
paying exorbitant prices for gifts to hia fair com-
-panion—particularly if induced to do so from the
+ fear of appearing mean or of being thought want-
_ing in benevolence, In the evening the young
‘
ladies who ‘have. tables” are apt to become
especially importunate in urging the sale of their
goods, and appear to great disadvantage as ama-
teur shopkeepers, exhibiting a boldness in teas-
ing that no real shop woman would presume to
display. Then the crowd is generally great; the
squeezing and pushing very uncomfortable; an
most of the company far from genteel. Ladies
who are ladies should only visit fancy fairs in the
daytime, when they can go without gentlemen,
none of whom take much pleasure in this mode of
raising money, or rather of levying contributions
for special purposes.
If you have occasion to send by a gentleman a
parcel to an expressman or railway depot, give
nim, With it, the money to pay for its carriage.
If you borrow change return it to him punctually.
He ought to take it as a thing of course, without
any comment. When you commission him to
buy anything for you, if you know the price, give
him the money beforehand; otherwise, pay it as
soon as! - brings the article.’ .
When v:siting a fancy shop with a gentleman,
refrain from excessively admiring any handsome
or expensive article you may chance to see
there; above all, express no wish that you were
able to buy it, and to regret that you cannot, lest
he should construe these extreme tokens of ad-
miration into hints that you wish him to buy it
for you. To allow him to do so would, on your
part, be very mean and indelicate, and.on his
very foolish.
It is wrong to trouble gentlemen with commis-
sions that may cause them inconvenience and
expense. We repeat that a lady cannot be too
particular in placing herself under obligations to
agentleman. She should scrupulously avoid it
in every little thing that may involve him in ex-
pense on her account; and he will respect her
the more, } '
Presents.
Havre accepted a present, itis your duty, and
ought to be your’ pleasure, to let the giver see
that you make use of it, as intended, and that it
is not thrown away upon you. Ifitisan article
of dress or of personal decoration, take oceasion,
on the first suitable opportunity, to wear it in
presence of the giver. If'an ornament for the
center table or the mantelpiece, place 1t there.
If a: book, do not delay reading it. Afterwards,
speak of it to her as favorably as youcan. Ifof
fruit or flowers, refer to them the next time you
see her.
In all cases when a gift is sent to you returna
note of thanks, or at least a verbal message to
that effect.
Never inquire of the giver what was the price
of her gift, or where she boughtit. To do sois
considered extremely rude. ~
When an article is presented to you for a
specified purpose, it is your duty to use it for
that purpose and for no other, according to the
wish of the donor. It is mean and dishonorable
to give away a present—at least without obtain-
ing permission from the original giver. You
have no right to be liberal and generous at the
expense of another, or to accept a gift with a
secret determination to bestow it yourself on
somebody else. If it is an article that you do
not want—that you possess already, or that you
cannot use for yourself, itis best to say so can-
didty, at once expressing your thanks for the
offer, and requesting your friend to keep it for
some other person to whom it will be advantage-
ous.
It is fit that the purchaser of the gift should
have the pleasure of doing a kindness with her
own hand, and eliciting the gratitude of one
whom she knows herself.
Making a valuable present toa rich person is,
in most cases, a work of supererogation, unless
the gift is of something rare or unique, which
cannot be purchased, and which may be seen
and used to more advantage at the house of your
friend than while in your possession. But to
ive an expensive article of dress, jewelry, or
farnitare to one whose means of buying such
things are quite equal (if not superior) to your
own, is an absurdity, though not a very uncoh-
mon one, as society is now constituted.
There are persons who, believing that presents
are generally made with some mercenary view,
and being unwilling themselves to receive favors
or incur obligations, make a point of repaying
them as soon as possible by a gift of something
equivalent. This at once implies that they
suspect the motive. If sincere in her friendship,
the donor of the first present will feelfhurt at being
directly paid for it,and consider that she has been
treated rud ly and unjustly. On the other hand,
if compensation was secretly desired and really
. a
nothing in return. Therefore, among persons
who can conveniently provide themselves with
whatever they may desire, the bestowal of pres-
ents is generally a most unthankful business. If
ou are in opulent ¢ircumstances it is best to
imit your generosity to such: friends only as do
not abound in the gifts of fortune, and whose
situation denies them the means of indulging
their tastes. “By them such acts of kindness will
be duly appreciated and gratefully remembered;
and the article presented will have a double
valne if it is to them a novelty.
Vhen a young lady of fortune is going to be
married her friends are all expected to present
her with bridal gifts. It is a custom that some-
times bears heavily on those whose condition
allows them but little to spare. And from that
litle it may be very hard for them to squeeze
out enough to purchase some superfluous orna-
ment, or some article for a center table, when it
is already covered with the gifts of the wealthy— .
gifts lavished on one who is really in no need of
such things, and whose marriage confers no
benefit on any one but herself.
When the young couple have not an abund-
ance of the “ goods of this world,” the case is
different; and it may then be an act of real kind-
ness for the opulent friends of the bride to pre-
sent her with any handsome article of dress or of
furniture that ‘they think will be acceptable.
What we contend is, that on the occasion of a
marriage in a wealthy family the making of
presents should be confined to the immediate
relatives of the lady, and only to such of them
as can well afford it.
_The presentation of Christmas and New Year’s
gifts is often a severe tax on persons with whom
money is not plenty. It would be well ifit were
the universal custom to expect and receive no
presents from any but the rich. -
In making gifts to children choose for them
only such things as will afford them somewhat
of lasting amusement. For boys, kites, tops,
balls, marbles, wheelbarrows, carts, gardening .
utensils and carpenters’ tools, etc.
Young ladies should be careful how they
accept presents from gentlemen. No truly
modest and dignified woman will incur such obli-
gations. And no gentleman who realiy respects
her will offer her anything more than a bouquet,
a book, one or two autographs of distinguished
persons, or a few relics or mementoes of memor- —*
able places—things that derive their chief value «
from associations. But to present a young lady
with articles of jewelry, or of dress, or with a
costly ornament, ought to be regarded as an
offence rather than a compliment, excusable only
in a man sadly ignorant of the refinements of
society. And if he is 8o, she should set him
night, and civilly, but firmly, refuse to be his
Public Dinners.
Iy dressing for a public dinner, it is not in
good taste to adopt a full evening costume, and
to appear as if attired for a ball; for instance,
with a colored velvet robe, or one of a splendid
brocade, or a transparent gauze material over &
satin, or with short sleeves and bare neck in
cold weather, or with flowers or jewels in the
hair. Such costtmes should be ‘reserved for
evening parties.
A profusion of jewelry at a public table is in
very bad taste, particularly if the jewelry is
palpably false; for instance—a brooch with mock
amonds, or a string of wax beads, meant for
pearls, or glass things imitating topazes or gar-
nets. A large imitation gem always betrays its
real quality by its size. no
Endeavor to make your arrangements so as to
be dressed for dinner, and seated in the ladies’
drawing-room about ten or fifteen minutes before
the dining honr, that you may be ready to go in
with the rest of the company. :
n seating yourself, look down for a moment ° .
to see if you have placed the foot of your chair
on the dress of the lady sitting next to you; and,
it you have done so, remove it instantly, that her
dress may not be torn when she attempts to rise.
Sit close to the table, but never lean your
elbows upon it. To sit far from it and reach
forward is very awkward. Having unfolded
your napkin, secure ‘it.to your waist by a pin to
prevent its slipping down and falling under the
table. This may be done so that the pinning will
not be perceptible.
: efrain from loud talking or loud laughing.
Young ladies are never conspicuously noisy at &
dinner table or anywhere else. Still more care-
fully refrain from whispering .or exchanging
significant glances. Whispers are always over-
heard, and glances are always obse
expected, she will be disappointed at receiving
rved,
_In the best society, fish ig now usually eaten
