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- stantial tea.
servant with her to unstrap her trunks. Then
tet_her be left alone to arrange her dress.
Every morning after the chamber-maid has
done her duty (the room of the visitor is the first
to be put in order), the hostess should go in to
see that all is right. This done, no further in-
spection is necessary. It is very kind and con-
siderate to inquire of your guest if there is any
dish or article of food that she particularly likes,
so that you may have it on the table while she
stays, and also if there is anything peculiarly
disagreeable to her, so that you may refrain
from having it during her visit.
For such deficiencies as may be avoided or
remedied, refrain from making the absurd apol-
ogy that you consider her ‘‘no stranger,” and
that you regard her atnst as one of the family.”
Tf you invite her at all, it is your duty for your
own sake as well as hers to treat her well in
everything.
If she desires to assist you in sewing, and has
brought no work of her own, you may avail
yourself of the offer, and employ her in moder-
ation—but let it be in moderation only, and
when sitting in the family circle. When alone in
* her own room she, of course, would much rather
read, write, or occupy herself in some way for
’ her own benefit or amusement.
Let the children be strictly forbidden to run
into the apartments of visitors; interdict them
from going thither uniess sent with a message,
and then let them be made to understand that
they are always to knock at the door, and not go
in till desired to do so, Also that they are not
to py and make a noise in the neighborhood of
hef room. And when she comes into the parlor,
that they are not to jump on her lap, put their
hands into her pockets, or rummage her work-
basket, or rumple and soil her dress by clinging
to it with their hands, Neither should they be
permitted to amuse themselves by rattling on
the lower keys when she is playing on the piano,
or, interrupt her by teasing her all tho time to
play “‘for them to dance.” To permit children
to ask visitors for cents or dimes is mean
and contemptible. And if money ia given them
by a guest, they should be made to return it
immediately. .
Inguire on the first evening if your visitor is
accustomed to taking any refreshment before
she retires fcr the night. If she is, have some-
thing sent up to her room every night, unless
four own family are in the same habit. These
ittle repasts are very pleasant, especially at the
close of a long winter evening, and after coming
home from a place of public amusement.
To ‘‘weleome the comihg—speed the parting
est” is a good maxim. So, when your visitor
is about to leave you, make all smooth and
ready for her departure. Let her be called up
at an early hour if she is to set out in the murn-
ing. Send a servant up to strap and bring
down her trunks, as soon as she has announced
that they are ready; and see that an early break-
fast is prepared for her, and some of the famil
up and dressed to share it with her, Have a cab
or carriage at the door in due time, and let some
male member of the family accompany her to
the starting-place and see her off, attending to
her baggage, and procuring tickets.
When you have invited a friend to take tea
with you, endeavor to render her visit as agree-
able as you can; and try by all means to make
her comfortable.
he servant who attends the door should be
instructed to show the guest up-stairs as soon as
she arrives, conducting her to an unoccupied
apartment, where she may take off her bonnet
and arrange her hair, or any part of her dress
that may require change or improvement. The
lady should then be left to herself.
he hostess should be in the parlor prepared
to receive her visitor, and to give her at once a
seat in the corner of a sofa, or on a fauteuil, or
large comfortable chair; if a rocking-chair, a
foot-stool is an indispensable appendage. But
rocking-chairs are now seldom seen in a parlor;
handsome, stuffed easy-chairs that are moved on
casters are substituted.
If, in consequence of dining very late, you aro
in the habit of also taking tea at a late hour—or
making but slight preparation for that repast—
waive that custom when you expect a friend
whom you know to be in the practice of dining
early, and who, perhaps, has walked far enoug’
to feel fatigued and to acquire an appetite. For
her accommodation urder the tca carlier than
usual, and let it be what may be called a sub-
If there is »mple room at table, do
not have tho tea carried round, particularly if
you have but one servant lo hand the whole. It
18 tedious, inconvenient, and nnsatisfactory, The
absurd practice of eating in gloves has been
wmacly abolished umoug genteel people. —_.—
MANUAL OF ETIQUETTE.
If you invite a friend to tea in whose own fam-
ily there is no gentleman or no man-servant, it
is your duty previously to ascertain that youcan
rovide her on that evening with an escort
ome. If you keep a carriage, it will be most
kind to send her home in it.
‘In myiting a few friends, which means a
small, select company, endeavor to bring to-
gether people who have community of tastes,
feelings and ideas. If you mix the dull and
stupid with the bright and animated, the cold
and formal with the frank and lively, the pro-
fessedly serious with the gay and cheerful, the
hight with the heavy, and above all, those who
pride themselves on their birth with those who
oast of “belonging to the people; none of
these ‘‘ few friends ” will enjoy each other’s so-
ciety—the evening will not go off agreeably, and
you and the gther members of your family will
have the worst of it. The pleasautest people in
the room will naturally congregate together, and
the task of entertaining the unentertaimable will
devolve on yourself and your own people.
If a friend makes an afternoon call, and you
wish her to stay and take tea, invite her to do so
at once, as soon as she has sat down, and do not
wait until she has risen to depart. Should
chance visitors come in before the family have
gone to tea, lef them at once be invited to par-
take of that repast, which they will, of course,
decline, if they have had tea already. Ina well-
provided house there can be no difficulty in add-
ing something to the family tea-table, which, in
gentecl life, should never be discreditably par-
simonious. Itis a very mean practice for the
members of the family to slip out of the parlor
one by one ata time and steal into an adjoining
room to avoid inviting their visitor to accompany
them. How much better to meet the inconven-
ience by conducting your accidental guest to the
table, unless she says she has already taken tea,
and will amuse herself with a book while the
family are at theirs.
v
The Art of Conversation.
To form a perfect conversationist many quali-
fications are requisite. There must be knowl-
edge of the world, knowledge of books, and a
facility of imparting that knowledge; together
with originality, memory, an intuitive perception
of what is best to say, and best to omit, good
taste, good temper, and good manners. An
agreeable and instructive talker has the faculty
of going ‘‘ from grave to gay, from lively to se-
vere,” without any apparent effort, neither skim-
ming 80 slightly over a variety of topics as to
leave no impression of any, or dwelling so long
upon one subject as to weary the attention of the
hearers. Persons laboring under a monomania
such as absorbs their whole mind into one pre-
vailing idea, are never pleasant or. impressive
talkers. hey defeat their own purpose by re-
curring to it perpetually, and rendering it a per-
petual fatigue. A good talker should cultivate a
temperance in talking, so as not to talk too much
to the exclusion of other good talkers. Convers-
ation is dialogue, not monologue.
To be a perfect conyersationist, a good voice
1s indispensable—a voice that is clear, distinct,
and silver-toned. If you find that you havea
habit of speaking too low, “ reform it altogether.”
It is a bad one, and will render your talk unin-
telligible.
Few things are more delightful than for one
intelligent and well-stored mind to find itself in
company with a kindred spirit—each under-
standing tho other, catching every idea and com-
prehending every allusion. Such persons will
ecome as intimate in half an hour as if they
had been personally acquainted for years.
On the other hand, the pleasure of society is
much lessened by the habit in which many per-
sons indulge of placing themselves always in
opposition, controverting every opinion, and
doubting every fact. They talk to you as a law-
yer examines a witness at the bar; trying to
catch you in some discrepancy that will’ invali-
date your testimony, fixing their scrutinizing
eyes upon your face, and scarcely permitting
you to say, ‘‘Itis a fine day,” without making
you prove vour words. Such people are never
popular. Nobody likes perpetual contradiction,
especially when the subject of the argument is
of little or no consequence. In young poopie
this dogmatic practice is generally based upon
vanity and impertinence. In the old it is
prompted by pride and selfishness,
Unless he first refers to it himself, never talk
to a gentleman concerning his profession; at
least do not question him aboutit. Forinstance,
on must not expect a physician to tell you how
his patients are affected or to confide to you any
particulars of their maladies. These are sub-
jects that he will discuss only with their relatives
or their nurses. It is also very improper to ask
a lawyer about his clients, or the cases in which
he is employed. A clergyman does not lke
always to be talking about the church. A mer-
chant, when away from his counting-house, has
no wish to engage in business talk with ladies,
anda mechanic is ever willing ‘to leave the
shop behind him.” Still, there are some few in-
dividuals who like to talk of their ‘* bread-win-
ner.” If you perceive this disposition, indulge!
them and listen attentively. You will learn
something useful and worth rememberiny. .
Women who have begun the world in humble
life, and have been necessitated to give most of
their attention to household affairs, are gener-
ally very shy io talking of housewifery, after
their husbands have become rich and are living
in atyle, as itis called. Therefore do not annoy
them by questions on domestic economy, but
converse as if they lad never known other cir-
cumstances.
Never remind any one of the time when their
situation was less genteel or less affluent than at
resent, or tell them that you remember their
iving in a small house or in a remote street.
If they have not moral courage to talk of such
things themselves, it is rude in you to make any
allusion to them.
On the other hand, if invited to a fashior able
house and to mect fashionable company, :t is
not the time or place for you to set forth the
comparative obscurity ef your own origin by ray
of showing that you are not proud. If you ere
not proud, it is most unlikely that your enter-
tainers will be pleased at your ultra-magnanin-
ity in thus lowering yourself before their aristo-
cratic guests. These communications should be
reserved for éete-a-teles with old and familiar
iriends who have no more pride than yourself.
When listening to a circumstance that is stated
to have actually occurred to the relater, even if
it strike you as being very extraordinary and
not in conformity with your own experience, it
is rude to reply, ‘‘ Such a thing never happened
tome.” It is rude, because it seems to imply a
doubt of the narrator’s veracity, and it is foolish
because its not having happened to you is no
proof that it could not have happenéd to anybody
else. Slowness in belief is sometimes an evi-
dence of ignorance rather than of knowledge.
People who have read but little, travelled but
little, and seen but little of the world out of their
own immediate circle, and whose intellects are
too obtuse to discern any new accession to their
own small stock of ideas, sre apt to think that
nothing can be true unless ithas fallen under
their own limited experience.
When you hear a gentleman speak in praise of
a lady whom you do not think deserving of his
commendations, you will gain nothing by a
tempting to undeceive him, particularly if she is
handsome. Your dissenting from his opinion he
will in all probability impute to envy or ill-
nature, and therefore the only impression you
can make will be against yourself. Even if you
have reason to dislike the lady, recollect that
few are without some good points, both of person
and character, and it will be much better for
you to pass over her faults in silence, and agree
with him in commending what is.really com-
mendable about her. What he would perhaps
believe implicitly if told to him by a man he
would attribute entirely to jealotisy, or to a love
ot detraction, if related by a woman. Above
all, ifa gentleman descants on the beauty of a
lady, and in your own mind you do not coincide
with his opinion, refrain on your part from crit-
icising invidiously her face and figure, and do
not say that “though her complexion may be
fine, her features are not regular,” that “her.
nose is too small,” or ‘‘ her eyes too large,” or
“her mouth too wide.” Still less discloso to
him the secret of her wearing false hair, artificial
teeth, or tinging her cheeks with rouge.
If a foreigner chances in your presence to
make an unfavorable remark upon some custom
or habit peculiar to your eountry, do not imme-,
diately take fire and resent it, for, perhaps, upon
reflection you may find that he is mght, or nearly
so. All countries have their national character,
and no character is perfect whether that of a naz
tion or an individual. If you know that the
stranger has imbibed an erroneous impression,
you may calmly, and in’a few words, endeavor
to convince him of it. Butif he shows an un-
willingness to be coavineed, and tells you that
what he has said he heard from good authority,
it will be worse than useless for you to continue
the argument, Therefore change the subject, or
turn and address your conversation to some one
ae,
2
It is very discourteous when a person begins ~
to relate a circumstance or an anecdote, to stop
