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obliterate any. remembrance l'w 3
' intoa very. good one.
wh,en.she,,saw thatvshe had safely plunged me, into a black
despoudent‘ brooding, by.the"se means she would.cal1 the
attention of ,the, children togit, and-would showthem the
diderence between herself and me. 1 “ Hush 1 Poor Miss
l:Vade is.,not well...’ Don’t,make a noise,vmy dears, her
head aches.“ Come and comfortherf Come and ask her
if she is better; ,come and ask her,to' lie down. , ‘I hope.
you have nothingon your mind,‘ma’an1.. ,Don’t take on,
mn’am, andbe sorry”l’f,.,., .,,, H
..Q,It,becan1evintolerable, ‘Her ladyshipmylllistress com-
ingtinonevday ,when Ifwas alone, and at, the height’ of
feelinglthat I cbuldsupport nolonger, Itold her, I
must go. ;-,I.could'not hear the.presence.of. that woman
Dawes...5,.. -. “ ” ' '
-o.
. ;.‘Miss VVade,l Poor Dawes is devoted to you;,would
do anything foryou 17.", .,,r-, ,9 ,;
.--I knewibeforehand she would say so ; I was quite pre-A
paredfonit ; I only answered, was not for, me to con-
tradict my Mistress ; I must go.
.';.‘jI hope, Miss ‘Vade,’,’,she,returned, instantly assum-
ingigthe tone of superiority she had" always so thinly
concealed, “ thatnothing I have ever said or done since
wemhave been tovether, has justified your use of that
disagreeable wor , Mistress.‘ . It must have been wholly
inadvertent on my part. -,Pray tell pmewliat it is.”. , .
$gl,replied that ,1 ,had no. complaint ,to make, either.of
my:Mistre'ss,,or to my Mistress; but, I must go.. , . . ,'
; Shehesitated a moment, and then sat down beside ine,
and; laid herhand our mine. if,that honour. would
v.:.f.liIiss.VVade, I-fear you are, unhappy, through causes
over whichpl have no.inl'luenca.’.’.,-1,5,, . , ,, ,;.,,- ;f.
LI smiled, thinkingof the experience the ;word.. aw. -
ened, and said,.‘,‘ I have anunhappytemper, I suppose.’5
,;,j‘.I didgnot say that.’-’- :.,.;. M .4. .; -x; ;,v A; =.-. L
ngff It;is; an. easy way .of,,accounting,.forv anything]!
said,I.:,..: vg A w ; 7 w...- ;‘ ., " n. H
z:3.(‘.-It.may be ; but I-did. not.say.so...,NVhat I wish to
approach, issomething very different; My husband and
I have exchanged some remarks upon the subject, when
we have observed with.pain.that you ;have not been easy
withus.’.’:
<-;ff.Easy?. Ohl wYou are such great‘people,‘my lady,’f
said ‘ a " ‘ -‘
n-.,:." -. - "V. ->-1--‘-f P" " v‘
“ I am unfortunate in using a word which may convey
avineaning-and:‘evidently does-quite vopposite to my
intention.'?- (She had ;not expected gmy reply,.a.nd it
shamedher.) . ,“I,only mean, not happy, with us. ; Itis
a diliiculttopic to enter on-;,but, from one young woman
to another, perhapssin short,-we have ;,been apprehen-
sive that you may allow somerfamily circumstances of
which no one can be..more, innocent, than yourself, to
prey upon your spirits. If so, let us entreat you not to
make them a cause of grief. vMy.husband himself, as is
well known," formerly had a very dear sister who was not
in:law.his sister,vbut who was universally beloved and
respected--’.’. ...:.s 2 t. . .1, ,, V . , , -.
1. I saw directly, that they had taken me in for the sake
of,.the dead woman, whoever she ,wa.s,;and to have that
boast of .-me and advantage of;1ne ; I saw, in the nurse’s
knowledge of it; an encouragementto goad me ;us she
had done ; and-I saw,.in the ;children's shrinkingi away,
auvague impression that I was not like ,other people.‘ . I
left that house that night. . . r g. , x . ,;; ,-,,.
4.,,After.,one: or-two short and very, similar. experiences,
which are not to the present purpose, I entered another
family,.where I had but one pupil : a girl of fifteen, who
was-theonlydaughter. .The.parents here were-elderly
peoplerpeople of station and rich. -A nephew whom
theyghadbrought up,.was a frequent visitor at the house,
among many other visitors ; andvhepbegan. to pa meat-
tention. .41 was resolute in repulsing him ; for, had de-
termined. when Ivwent ' there,,that no yoneshould pity
me ‘or condescend to me. wBut,rhe wrote me a letterm It
led to our being engaged to be married. -. I’ -. : . .. . .
1.-He was a year younger thanrl, and young-looking even
when 7that.allowance was 1nade.He was onabsence
from‘India,- where he had a post that was soon to grow
In six months we were to be mar-
ried; and were to goto India. . I was to stayiin the house,
and was to be married from the house. Nobody objected
toanypartof-theplan. - -' : N . V "
l r . I
.xD01e1eI,Ta.
. not": know.
903
. I cannot avoid saying, hegdmired me ; but, if I could,
I would. Vanityhas nothing to do with thedeclaration,
for, his admiration worriedgme. .,He took ms‘ pains to,
hide it ; and caused me to feeljamong the rich people as
if ,he-had bought me for my looks, and made a showgot
his purchase to justify himself. Theyappraised me in,
their own minds,-I saw, and were.cnrious to ascertain
whatmy-full value was. I resolved that they should,
I was immovable and silentbefore them;
and would have suffered any one of them to kill me
sooner than I would have laid myself out to bespeak
their approval. . ‘ '
rHe told me I did not do myself justice.. I .told him ‘I
did, and it was because Idid and meantto. do so to tho‘
last,’ that Iwould not stoop to propitiate any of them;
He was concerned and even shocked, when I added , that
I:,wished he would not.parade his attachmentfbefore
them ; but,.he said he would sacrifice even the‘honest'
impulses of his affection to my peace. . , .'...y’ . I T
' Undergthat pretence he began to retort uponpme. I ,By
the hour together, he would keep at a distance from me,
talking to anyone rather than to me. I have sat alone
and unnoticed, half an evening, while he conversed with
his yohn cousin, my pupil. , I have seen all the while,-
in people seyes that they thought the two looked nearer
on an equa.lity.than he and ‘I. I havesat, divining their
thoughts,.until I have felt that his young appearance
made me ridiculous, and..'have raged against myself for
ever loving him“ .. . : . -‘ , .. ‘ . v I
For, I did love him once. Undeserving as he was, and
little as heithought of.all.these agonies that it cost me4
. agonies yvliicli should have made him wholly and ‘grate:
fully mine‘ to ..l1islife’s‘end-It loved him. I bore with
his cousin’s praising him to myrface, and with Her pre-
tendingto‘ thinktlxat it pleased‘me,. but'full well know-
ing that it rankled in my breast ; for his sake. ]VVhiJe I
. have sat in his presence recalling hll.my' slights and
wrongs, and deliberating whether I.should not liy from
the house at once and never see him again-I have loved
I.1lXII.:,It,, ‘. - ': A , . r.',y.‘ , ., ‘V ,
Hisnunt (my Mistress you.will plcase‘to remember)
,- deliberately, wilfully, added to my trials, and vexations.
It was her deli ht to expatiate on the style in which .we
were to .live in ndia, and on the establishment we should
keep, andthe companywe shonldgentertain, when he
got his advancement. My pride rose against this bare-
facedgvay of pointing out.the contrast my. married life
was to present to my then dependent and inferionposil
tion. I suppressed my indignation"; but, I showedxher
that her intention was-not lost upon me, and I repaid her
annoyances by affecting humility. VV hat ‘she described,
would surely be ‘a great deal too much honour for. me, .I
wouldztell her., I was afraid I might not be able to sup-
port so great achange. I Think of a mere overness, her
daughter’s governess, coming to that higz distinction!
It made her uneasy and made them all uneasy,‘ when I
answered in this way. ,They knew, that I fully ',under-
Si00(iIlC1‘.'('..:x. v. ‘V ,‘,
: It'was attlre time when my troubles were‘at,their
highest,,and when I was most incensed against my lover
for hisjngratitudc in caring as little as" he did for the in-
numerable, distresses and mortificntions Ilunderwent on
his account,.that your dear friend, Mr.'Gowan, appeared -
at the house. He ‘.had been intimate there for a long
time, but hadbeen abroad. . He understood the state of
things ata glance, and,he understood I118.‘ ‘ .. . I
2 He was. the tirst person:l had ever seen in my life who
had.understood rne. - .He was not, in the house three
times before I knew that he accompaniedfevery. move-
meat of my mind- In his coldly easy way with all of them.
and with me, and-with the whole subject, I saw it clearly.
In his light protestations of admiration of my future
husband, inhis enthusiasmwregarding our engagement
and our pros xects, in his hopeful congratulations on our
futurewealt and his despondent references to his own
poverty-all equally rhollow, and 'esting, . and .full of
mockery-I saw it clearly. He ma e me feel more and
more resentful, and more and more. contemptible, by al-
ways presenting to me‘ everything that surrounded me,
with some newhateful light upon it,’ while he pretended
to exhibit it in its best aspoctfor my‘ admiration and his
own. . , He was like the dressed-up Death in the Dutch