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'a54 0IIA"RLIJS'"iDIOKENS-’ -WORKS.
Ehe Shade’s being advised by the gallery to i‘ turn over I ”'
-a recommendation which it ftook -extremely ill. ‘ It
was likewiseto-be noticed of -this majestic'spirit that
whereas it always-appeared with an air of having been
out a long time and walked an immense ‘ distance,‘ it
perceptibly came from a closely eonti uous wall. ‘ This
occasioned its terrors to be receive derisively. The
‘Queen of Denmark, a very buxom lady, though no doubt
historically brazen, wasconsldered by the public to have
too much brass about her ;' her chin‘being attached to
her diadem by a broad band of that metal'(as if she had
a gorgeous toothache), her waist being encircled by an-
ot er, and each of her arms by another, so that she was
openly mentioned as “the kettledrum.” The noble boy
in the ancestral boots, was inconsistent; representing
himself, as it were in one breath, as an’ able seaman, a
strolling actor, a gravcdigger, a clergyman, and a per-
son of the utmost im ortance at a Court fencing-match,
on the authority of w rose practised eye and nice discrim-
ination theifinest strokes were judged. This gradually
led to a want of toleration forhlm,-‘ and even-on his be-
ing detected in holy orders, and declining to perform the A
funeral service-to the general indignation takingithe
form of nuts. Lastly, Ophelia was a-prey to such slow
musical’ madness,-that when, in course of time, she
had taken off her white muslin scarf, folded it up, and
buried it, asulkyman who had long been‘ cooling his
impatient nose against an iron bar in the-front row‘ of
the gallery, growled, “ N ow the baby’s put to bed let's
have supper I" VVhich, to say the ‘least I of it,‘ was out
of keeping. ' ‘ ’ ’ '
‘ "Upon my ‘unfortunate townsman all-these’ incidents
accumulated with playful effect. ‘Vhenever that un(le--
cided Prince had to ask a uestion or state‘ a doubt, the
public helped him out wit 1 it. I As for example ; on". the
question whether ’twas nobler in the mind to suffer, some
roared yes. and some no,‘ and some inclining to both
opinions said “- toss up for it ;" and quite a.Debating So-
ciety arose. ‘Vhen=he asked what should such-fellows
as he do crawling between earth and heaven, he was en-
couragedwith loud cries of “ Hear, hear l" VVhen he
appeared with his stocking disordered (its disorder ex-
pressed, according to usage, by one very neat fold in the
top, which I suppose to be always got up with vn.,flat
iron), a conversation took place in the gallery respecting
the paleness of his levr. and whether it was occasioned by
the turn the ghost had given him. On his taking the
recorders-very like- a little black flute that had’ just
been played in the orchestra and handed out at the door
-he was called upon unanimously for Rule Britannia.
‘Vixen he recommended-the pla er not‘ to saw the air
thus, tl1e sulky man said, “And on’t you do it, neither;
you're a deal worse than him I ” Andl grieve to add that
peals of laughter greeted Mr. VVopsle on every one of
theseoccasions. . .. I. .- u ., .. .
But his greatest trials were in the churchyard : which
had the appearance of a primeval forest, with a kind of
small ecclesiastical wash-house on one side, and a turn-
pike gate on the other. . Mr.‘-IVopslo‘ in a comprehensive
black cloak, being descried entering at the turnpike,
the gravedigger was admonished tin av friendly way,
-“ Look out i - Here’s the undertaker a coming to see how ‘
you‘re a getting on with your work I’’- = I believe it is well
Known in a constitutional country that Mr. VVopsle could
not possibly nave returned the skull, after moralising
over it, wit out dusting his fingers on a vwhitelnapkin
taken from his breast ;.but even that innocent and indis-
pensable action did not pass without the comment-“ VVai-
ter 1 ” The arrival of the body for-intennent= (in ' an
empty black box with the lid ‘tumbling ' openy,‘ was the
signal for a -general joy which was much en ianced by
the discovery, among the bearers, of an individual ob-
noxious to identification. 5 The joy attended Mr. -VVopsle
through his ‘struggle with Laertes on -the brink of the
orchestra and the grave, and slackened no more until he
had tumbled the king off the kitchen-table, and had died
.by.inches from the ankles upward. ‘ ' ' - ' .
VVe had made some pale efforts in the beginning to ap-
plaud Mr. lVo sle ; but they were too hopeless -to be
ersisted in. : ‘herefore we -had sat, feeling keenly for
irn, but laughing, nevertheless, from ear to ear. I
laughed in spite of myself all the time, the whole thing
was? so droll ;'and yet I had alatent ' im rcssion that
there was something decidedly fine in Mr.” '3 ’opsle’s eio.
cution-not for old association's ‘sake, I am afraid, but
because it was very slow, verydreary, very up-hill and
downhill, and very unlike any way in which any man in
any natural circumstances of life or death over expressed
himself about anything. " lVhen“the tragedy was'orer,
and he had been called for and hooted, I said tollerbert,
“Let us go at once, or perhaps we shall meet him." '
I “We made all the haste we could down-stairs, but-we‘
were not‘ quick enough either. Standing at thedoor '
was aJewish maniwitlr an unnatural heav smear of
eyebrow, who caught my eyes as we advance , and said,
when we came up with rim‘:-‘ ‘V ‘V i '1
"Mr. Pip and friend?” A , ' , “‘-'3-"' '
Identity of Mr. Pip and friend confessed. ‘I
“ Mr. iValdengarver,” said the man, “ would be"; glad
to have the honor.” I t‘ ’- '
“ iValdengarver?” ‘ I, repeated-when" Herbert mur-
mured in my car, “Probably VVopslc.” , ' - ‘ ' -7 ‘
“ Oh 1',’ said I. “Yes. Shall wefollow grout". ‘’
“A few steps, please." "Vhenwe were in‘a side
alloy,‘ he‘ turned‘ and asked,’ “How do you think he
looked :-I dressed him?” ' ’ “ ’ ’ ” 3 ' t .
I don't know what ll0'l1n(I‘lO0kOd like,‘exceptafu-
neral ; with the addition of a large<Danish sun or star
hanging round his neck by a blue ribbon, that had given
him the appearance of being insured in’soino ’extraordi..
nary Fire Oilice. But I said he had looked very nice.’
“ VVheu he come to the grave,” saidour conductor,
“he showed his cloakbeautiful. :But,’judging from the
wing,’ it looked to me that when he see the ghost in -the
queen’s apartment, he might‘ha've‘made more of his
swcklngs.”'<:‘ t .. m i ‘ i "I"
Imodcstly assented, andwe‘ all‘ fell through ‘a‘little
dirty swing door, into a sort of hot packing-case innne(ll-
ately behind it. Here Mr. lVopslc was’divesting him-
self of his Danish garments, andhere’ tliere‘w'as'ju'st
room for us to look at him over one another’s' shoulders,
by keeping the packing-case door, or lid wide"opcn. "
“ Gentlemen,” said Mr. VVopsle,V “ Ifam proud: to see
you. If he e, ,Mr. Pip, you will excuse my sending
round..- I‘ lfld ‘the’ happiness to know you in ‘former
times,‘ and the Drama has ever had a claim which has
ever been acknowledged, on the noble and'the aflluent."
r ‘Meanwhile, Mr. VValdengarver, in a"frightful'perspi-
ration, was trying to got himself out of his princely
Sables.‘ A‘ V "' ‘ ' 1‘:
,“ Skin the stockings off,’ Mr. VValdengarvcr,” said the
owner of that property, “ or you'll bust ’cin. “Bust ’em,
and yon’ll bust five-and-thirty shillings. ,Shakespcaro
never was complimented with a finer pair. Keep quiet
in your chair now, and leave ‘em to me.”
V'Vith that he went upon his knees, and began to flay
his victim ; who, on the first stocking coming off, would
certainly have fallen over backward with his chair, but
for there being no room to fall anyhow. - ‘ ' - - '
I had been afraid until then to say a word about the
play.'1 But then; Mr. 'VValdengarver looked up at us
cornplacently,‘ and said : ' - ’ - i i "
i “ Gentlemen, how did it seem to you, to go, in front?"
Herbert said ‘from behind (at the same time poking
me) “capitally.” ' So I said?“capitally.”' ' 5 ' " " ‘
“ How did you like my reading of the character, gen-
tlemen ?” said Mr. Vt'aldengarver,' almost, if not quite,
with patronage.’ C ‘ ' ‘ I -‘ '1 -- ” < ' v ‘A
.Ilerbert said from behind (again poking me), “ mas-
sive and concrete." So I said boldly, as, if I had origi-
noted, it, and must-beg to '.insist‘ upon it,’ "massive and
concrete.” , , , , M " 4 " ' 7 ‘
"I am glad to‘ have -your, approbation, gentlemen,”
said Mr. ‘VValdengarver, with an air? of ‘dignity, in’ spite
of his beingiground against the wall‘ at the time, and
holding on by the seat ofttho chair." ‘ -’ .' '3 ‘
“ But I'll tell you one thing, Mr. lValdengarver," said
tl1e man who was on his knees, “in which‘ ou’re out, in
‘your reading; Now mind l,I- don’t care‘ w io'says3con-
trairy-, I -tell you so. You're out in your reading of
Hamlet, when you get‘your legs in profile. "- The last
Hamlet as I dressed,‘made the same mistakes in his read-
ing at rehearsal, till I got him to put a large red wafer
on each of his shins, and then at that rehearsal (which