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“ You’ro knockiugmy head against the wall,” urged
Silas faintly. - ' ' -
“ I mean to.knock ‘your head against the wall,” re-
turned John Harmon, suiting his action to his words, with
the heartiest good will ; “ and I’d give a thousand pounds
for leave to knock your brains out. Listen,‘you scoun-
drel, and look at that Dutch bottle.”
Sloppy held it up for his edilication. ,
“ That Dutch bottle, scoundrel, contained the latest
will of the many wills made by my unhappy self-torment-
ing father. That will gives everything absolutely to my
noble benefactor and yours, Mr. Bofiin, excluding and
reviling me, and my sister (then already dead of a broken
heart), by name. That Dutch bottle was found by my
noble benefactor and yours, after he had entered on pos-
session of the estate. That Dutch bottle distressed him
beyond measure, because, though I and my sister were
both no more, it cast a slur upon our memory which he
knew we had done nothing in our miserable youth, to de-
serve. That Dutch bottle, therefore, be buried in the
Mound belonging to him, and there it lay while you, you
thankless wretch, were prodding and poking-often very
near ' it, I dare say. His intention was, that it should
never see the light ; but he was afraid to destroy it, lest
to destroy such a document, even with his great gener-
ous motive, might be an offence at law. After the dis-
covery was made here who I was, Mr. Bofiin, still restless
on the subject, told me, upon certain conditions impos-
sible for such a hound as you to appreciate, the secret of
that Dutch bottle.’ I urged upon him the necessity of its
being dug up, and the paper being legally produced and
established. The first thing you saw him do, and he
second thing has been done without your knowledge.
Consequently, the paper now rattling in your hand as I
shake you-and Isliould like to shake the life out of you
--is worth less than the rotten cork of the Dutch bottle,
do you understand?”
Judging from the fallen countenance of Silas as his
head wagged backwards and forwards in a most uncom-
fortable manner, he did understand.
“ Now, scoundrel,” said John Harmon, taking an-
othervsailor-like turn on his cravat and holding him in
his corner at arms’ length. “ I shall make two more short
speeches to you, because I hope they will torment you.
Your discovery was 9. genuine discovery (such as it was),
for nobody had thought of looking into that place. Nei-
ther did we know you had made it, until Venus
spoke to Mr. Bofiin, though I kept you under good obser-
vation from my first appearance here, and though Sloppy
has long made it the chief occupation and delight of his
life, to attend you like your shadow. [tell you this, that
%ou may know we knew enough of you to persuade Mr.
oflin to let us lead you on, deluded, to the last possible
moment, order that your disappointment might be the
heaviest possible disappointment. That's the first short
speech, do you understand?”
Here John Harmon assisted his comprehension with
another shake. .
“ Now, scoundrel,” he pursued, “ I am going to finish.
You supposed me just now, to be the possessor of my
father’s property.-So I am. But through any act of
my father’s, or by any right I have? No l Through the
muniflcence of Mr. Boilin. The conditions that he made
with me, before parting with the secret of the Dutch
bottle, were that I should take the fortune, and that he
should take his Mound and no more. I owe everything
I possess, solely to the disinterestedness, upriglitness,
tenderness, goodness (there are no words to satisfy me)
of Mr. and Mrs. Boflin. And when, knowing what I
knew, I saw such a mud-worm as you presume to rise in‘
this house against this noble soul, the wonder is,” added
John Harmon, through his clenched teeth, and with’ a
Very ugly turn indeed on lVegg’s cravat, “that I didn’t
try to twist your head off,’ and fling that out of window I
So. That's the last short speech, do you under-
stand‘? ” I .
Silas, released, put his hand to his throat, cleared it,
and looked as if he had a rather large fislibone in that
region. Simultaneously with this action on his part in
his corner, a singular, and on the surface an incompre-
hensible, movement was made by Mr. Sloppy : who be-
gan backing towards Mr. W'egg along the wall, in the
'0U1z MUTUAL zrzzmzvp. . I 579
manner of a porter or heaver who is about to lift a sack
of flour or coals.
“ I am sorry, VVegg,” said Mr. Boiiin, in his clemency,
“ that my old lady and I can’t have a better opinion of
you than the bad one we are forced to entertain. But I
sliouldn’t like to leave you, after all said and done, worse
o‘ffin life than I found you. Therefore say in a word, be-
fore we part, what it’ll cost to set you up in anotherstall.”
“ And in another place,” John Harmon struck in.
“ You don’t come outside these windows.”
“Mr. Bodin,” returned VVegg in avaricious humilia-
tion : “ when I first had the honour of making your ac-
quaintance, I had got together :1 collection of ballads
which was, I may say, above price.”
“Then they can’t be paid for,” said John Harmon,
“ and you had better not try, my dear sir.”
“Pardon me, Mr. Boflin,” resumed VVegg with a ma-
lignant glance in the last speaker’s direction, “ I was
putting the case to you, who, if my senses did not deceive
me, put the case to me. lhad a very choice collection of
ballads, and there was a new stock of gingerbread in the
tin box. I say no more, but would rather leave it to you.”
“ But it’s difficult to name what’s right,” said Mr. Bot-
lin uneasily, with his hand in his pocket, “ and I don't
want to go beyond what’s right, because you really have
turned out such a very bad fellow. So artful, and so
ungrateful you have been, VVegg; for when did I ever
injure you?” .
“ There was also,” Mr. VVegg went on, in ameditativo
manner, “ n. errand connection, in which I was much re-
spected. But I would not wish to be deemed covetous,
and I would rather leave it to you, Mr. Bofiin.”
“ Upon my word, I don’t know what to put it at,” the
Golden Diistman muttered. '
“ There was likewise,” resumed VVegg, “ a pair of
trestles, for which alone 3. Irish person, who was deemed
a judge of trestles, offered five and six-a sum I would
not hear of, for I should have lost by it-and there was
a stool, a umbrella, a clotlies-horse, and a tray. But I
leave it to you, Mr. Bolfin.”
The Golden Dustman seemed to be engaged in some
abstruse calculation, Mr. VVegg assisted him with the
following additional items.
“ There was, further, Miss Elizabeth, Master George,
Aunt Jane, and Uncle Parker. Ah ! VVhen ‘a man
thinks of the loss of such patrona cits that: whens. -
man finds so fair a garden rooted up y pigs ; he finds it
hard indeed, without going high, to work it into money.
But I leave it wholly to you, sir.”
Mr. Sloppy still continued his singular, and on the sur-
face his incomprehensible, movement.
“ Leading on has beeiilmentioned,” said VVegg with a
melancholy air, “ and it's not easy to say how far the
tone of my mind may have been lowered by unwhole-
some reading on the subject of Misers, when you was
leading me and others on to think you one yourself, sir.
All I can say is, that I ‘felt my tone of mind a lowering
at the time. And how can ii man put a price upon his
mind! There .was likewise a hat just now. Butl leave
the ole to you, Mr. Bofiin.”
“ Comcl ” said Mr. Bofiin. “ Here's ii couple of pound."
“ In justice to myself, I couldn’t take it sir.” .
These words were but out of his mouth when John
Harmon lifted his finger, and Sloppy, who was now close
to VVcgg, backed to ‘Veg s back, stooped, grasped his
coat collar behind with hot i hands, and deftly swung him
up like the sack of flour or coals before mentioned. A
countenance of special discontent and amazement Mr.
lVegg exhibited in this position, with his buttons almost
as prominently on view as Sloppy’s own, and with his
wooden leg in a highly unaccommodating state. . But,
not for many seconds was his countenance visible in the
room ; for, Sloppy lightly trotted out with him and trot-
ted down the staircase, Mr. Venus attending to open the
street door. Mr. Sloppy’s instructions had been ‘to de-
posit his burden in the road; but a scavengers cart
happening to stand unattended at the corner, with its
little ladder planted against the wheel, Mr. S. found it
impossible to resistptho temptation of shooting Mr. Silas
Wegg-into the cai-t’s contents. A somewhat diflicult feat,
achieved with great dexterity, and with a 'prodigious
splash. > - ‘