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OLIVER TWIST. 3
The medical gentleman walked away to dinner ; and scalded to death when there happened to be a washing,-
’ the nurse, having once more applied herself to the green ,'
though the latter accident was very scarce,-anything
bottle, sat down on a low chair before the fire, and pro- approaching to a washing being of rare occurrence in the
ceeded to dress the infant. .
What an excellent example of the power of dress
youngOliver Twist was I VVrapped in the blanket which
ffarin-the jury would take it into their heads to ask
1 troublesome questions, or the parishioners would rebel-
liously attix their signatures to a remonstrance. But these
had‘ hitherto formed his only covering, he might have 1 impcrtinences wcie speedily checked by the evidence of
been the child of a nobleman or a beggar ; it would have 3
the surgeon, and the testimony of the bcadle ; the former
been hard for the haughtiest stranger to have assigned of whom had always opened the body and found nothing
him his proper station in society. But now that he was ;
enveloped in the old calico robes which had grown yel- 1
low in the same service, he was badged and ticketed, and E
,fell into his place at once-a parish child-the orphan of 5
‘ the bcadle the day before to say they were going. The
a. workhouse-the humble, half-starved drudge-to be
cutfed and butfeted through the world-despised by all,
. and pitied by none.
‘ Oliver cried lustily. If he could have known that he
was an orphan, left to the tender mercies of churchwar-
siens and overseers, perhaps he would have cried the
ouder. ‘
CHAPTER II.
Treats Qfl Oliver Twist‘: Growth, Education, and Board.
‘ ' FOR the next eight or ten months. Oliver was the vic-
tim of a systematic course of treachery and deception.
He was brought up by hand. The hungry and destitute
situation of the infant orphan was duly reported by the
workhouse authorities to the parish authorities. The
parish authorities inquired with dignity of the work-
house authorities, whether there was no female then dom-
iciled in “the house” who was in a situation to impart
to Oliver Twist the consolation and nourishment of which
he stood in need. The workhouso authorities replied
with humility, that there was not. Upon this, the par-
ish authorities Inagnanimouslyand humanely resolved,
that Oliver should be “ farmed,” or, in other words, that
he shoiild be despatched to a branch Ivorkhousc some
-three miles off, where twenty or thirty other juvenile
offenders against the poor-laws, rolled about the door all
day, without the inconvenience of too much food or too
much clothing, under the parental superintendenco of an
elderly female, who received the culprits at and for the
consideration of scvenpcnce-halfpenny per small head
per week. Sevenpence-halfpenny’s worth per week is a
good round diet for a child ; a great deal may be got for
sevenpencc-lialfpenny : quite enough to overload its
stomacli,' and make it uncoinfortablc. The elderly fe-
. male was a ‘woman of wisdom and experience ; she knew
what was good for children; and she had a very accu-
rate conception of what was good for herself. So, she
appropriated the greater part of the weekly stipend to
her own use, and consigned the rising parochial genera-
tion to even a. shorter allowance than was originally pro-
vided for them. Thereby finding in the lowest depth a
deeper still; and proving herself a very great experi-
mental philosopher. ,
Everybody knows the story of another experimental
philosoplier, who had a great theory about a horse being
able to live without catinv, and who demonstrated it so
well, that he got his own iorse down to a straw a day,
and would most unquestionably have rendered him a
very spirited and ranipacious animal on nothing at all, if
he had not died, just four and-twenty hours before he
was to have had his first comfortable baitof air. Un-
fortunately for the experimental philosophy of the fe-
' ‘male to whose protecting care Oliver Twist was delivered
over, a similar result usually attended the operation of
her system; for at the very moment when a child had
contrived to exist upon the smallest possible‘ portion of
the weakest possible food, it did perversely happen in
eight and a half cases out of ten, either that it sickened
fmm want and cold, or fell into the fire from neglect, or
got lialf-smothered by accident; in any one of which
cases the miserable little being was usually summoned
into another world, and there gathered to the fathers it
ad never known in‘ this. '
. Occasionally, when there was some more than usually
interesting inquest upon a parish child who had been
overlooked in turning up a bedstead, or inadvertently
inside (which was very probable indeed), and the latter
of whom invariably swore whatever the parish wanted ;
which was very self-devotional. Besides, the board
made periodical pilgrimagcs to the farm, and always sent
children were neat and clean to behold, when they went;
and what more would the people have l
It cannot be expected that this system of farming
would produce any very extraordinary or luxuriant crop.
Oliver Twist’s ninth birthday found him a pale thin
child, somewhat diminutive in stature, and decidedly
small in circumference. But nature or inheritance had
implanted a good sturdy spirit in Olivcr’s breast. It had
had plenty of room to expand, thanks to the spare diet
of the establishment ; and perhaps to this circumstance
may be attributed his having any ninth birthday at all.
Be this as it may, however, it itas his ninth birthday;
and he was keeping it in the coal-cellar with a select
party of two other young gentlemen, who, after partici-
pating with him in a sound threshing, had been locked
up therein for atrociously presuming to be hungry, when
Mrs. Mann, the good lady of the house, was unexpect-
edly startled by the apparition of Mr. Bumble, the bea-
dle, striving to undo the wicket of the garden gate.
“ Goodness gracious l is that you, Mr. Bumble, sir?”
said Mrs. Mann, thrusting her head out of the window
in well-aliccted ecstacics of joy. “ (Susan, take Oliver
and them two brats up stairs, and wash ’em directly.)-
My heart alive I Mr. Bumble, how glad I am to see you,
surely l ”
Now, Mr. Bumble was a fat man, and choleric ; so, in-
stead of responding to this open-hearted salutation in a
kindred spirit, he gave the little wicket a tremendous
shake, and then bestowed upon it a kick which could
have emanated from no le but a beadlc’s.
“Lor, only think,” said Irs. Mann, running out,-for
the three boys had been removed by this time,-“onl
think of that? That I should have forgotten that the ate
was bolted on the inside, on account of them dear e il-
dren I Walk in, sir; walk in, pray, Mr. Bumble, do, sir."
Although this invitation was accompanied with a curt-
sey that might have softened the heart of a churchwar-
den, it by no means molliticd the bcadle.
“ Do you think this respectful or proper conduct, Mrs.
Mann,” inquired Mr. Bumble, grasping his cane, “to
keep the parish otiicers awaitin at your garden-gate
when they come here upon paroc iial business connected
with the parochial orphans? Are you awcer, Mrs. Mann,
that you are, as I may say, a parochial delegate, and a
stipcndary ?"
“ I’in sure. Mr. Bumble, that I was only a tellin one
or two of the dear children as is so fond of ou, t at it
was you a coming,” replied Mrs. Mann wit great hu-
mility.
Mr. Bumble had a rent idea of his oratorical powers
and his importance. In had displayed the one, and vin-
dicated the othcr. He relaxed. . .
“VVcll, wcll, Mrs. Mann,” he replied in a calmer tone;
“it may be as you say; it may be. Lead the warm,
Mrs. Mann, for I come on business, and have soniet ing
to sa .” - .
Mrys. Mann iishercd the bcadle into a small parlour with
a. brick floor; placed a seat for him ; and otliciousl de-
posited his cocked hat and cane on the table before
Mr. Bumble wiped from his forehead the perspiration
which his walk had engendered; glanced complaccntly
at the cocked hat; and smiled. Yes, he smiled. Bea-
dles are but men 2 and Mr. Bumble smiled. .
“ Now, don’t you be otfended at what I’m a going to
say,” observed Mrs. Mann, with captivating sweetness
“ You've had a.‘ long walk, you know, or I wouldn't men-
tion it. N ow, will you take a little drop of somethink,
Mr. Bumble?"