Activate Javascript or update your browser for the full Digital Library experience.
Previous Page
–
Next Page
OCR
aie oe NON Sf com NN ne emma Faery be Ie JT ae trea Fay ge a
RECITATIONS AND READINGS. 89
THE SWELL.—George W. Kyle.
I say! I wonder why fellahs ever wide in horse-cars. I’ve
been twying all day to think why fellahs ever do it, weally!
T know some fellahs that are in business, down town, you
know—C. B. Jones, cotton dealer; Smith Brothers, woolen
goods; Bwown & Company, stock bwokers and that sort of
thing, you know—who say they doit every day. If I was to
do it every day, my funeral would come off in about a week.
’Pon my soul it would. I-wode in a horse-car one day. Did
it for a lark. Made a bet I would wide in a horse-car. *Pon
my soul I did. So I went out on the pavement before the
club-house and called one. I said, ‘* Horse-car! horse-car!”
but not one of ’em stopped, weally! Then I saw that fellahs
wun after them—played tag with them, you know, as the
dweadful little girls do when school is coming out. And some-
times they caught the cars—ah—and sometimes they did not.
So I wun after one, I did weally, and I caught it. I was out
of breath, you know, and a fellah on the platform—a conduc-
tor fellah—poked me in the back and said, ‘‘ Come!-move up!
make room for this lady!” Ah—by Jove he did, you know!
T looked for the lady so (eye-glass business), but I could see no
lady, and I said so. There was a female person behind me,
with large market-basket, ewowded with—ah—vegetables and
such dweadful stuff, and another person with a bundle and
another with a baby, you know. The person with the basket
prodded me in the back with it, and J said_ to the conductor
fellah, said I, ‘‘ Where shall I sit down? I—ah—I don’t see
any seat, you know. (Bye-glass business.) The seats seem to
be occupied by persons, conductor,” said I. ‘¢ Where shall I
sit?’
He was wude, very wude, indeed, and he said, ‘‘ You can sit
on your thumb if you have a mind to.” And when I wemon-
strated with him upon the impwopwiety of tellin § a gentleman
to sit on his thumb, he told me to go to thunder. ‘‘Go to
thunder!” he did indeed. After awhile one of the persons got
out and I sat down; it was vewy disagweeable! Opposite me
there were several persons belonging to the labowing classes,
with what I pwesume to be lime on their boots, and tin kettles
which they carried for some mysterious purpose in their hands.
There was a person with a large basket, and a colored person.
Next to me there sat a fellah that had-been eating onions!
‘Twas vewy offensive! I couldn't stand it! No fellah could,
you know. I had heard that if any one in a car was annoyed
y a fellah-passenger he should weport it to the conductor. So
I said, “* Conductor! put this person out of the car! he annoys
me vewy much. He has been eating onions.” But the con-
ductor fellah only laughed. Te did indecd! And the fellah
thet had been cating onions said, “ Hang yer impidence, what