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HAPPY DAYS
. [This story commenced in No, 269.)
Tony the Torment at Home;
OB,
WAKING THEM UP AGAIN.
By TOM
TEASER,
Author of “Tom Turnip’ 's Troubles,” “Tony the Torment,” ot the Torment at School,”
“Muldoon in Search of a Cousin,” ete.,
PART IIL ™
we the cook, got only one of the two
am ‘cot the other.
Polly got hers on her large and juicy
beefsteak lips.
Joe got his on the jaw.
Polly gave it to him with her fist.
h She didn’t think Joe would dare to kiss
er.
“COLD!” ECHOED Fooss, SCORNFULLY.
“Neber did call him f’om de wood shed,
neber did nuffin’ oe de so’t; dat am alla
big lie, Marse Ant’
“Well, seems to me 1 heard something of
the sort,” Ye
“ Joe. “Yo’ heah
wha’ Marse Tony say? Yo’ “spects I done
agitate m’se’f abo’t a ole woman lak yo’
am, ef I didn’ heah her ax me ter come an’
give her a kiss?”
“WHY, IT’S DELIGHTFUL, SIR,” AND HE SCOOPED UP A LOT OF SNOW OFF THE STOOP,
HAVE SOME ICE CREAM WITH ME, Boys?”
HE ROLLED THE SNOW UP INTO
‘HE CROWD EXPECTED TO SEE HIM EAT IT.
Joe, on his part, thought she wanted him
to do
She had told him to and he had taken
her at her word.
‘Then she fetched him one with her fist
-and down he sat in a hu
ane hae yo’ wan’ ter “Go dat fo’?” he
sputter
“wha business yo’ got kissin’ me, yo’ no
good niggah?” demanded Polly. “I’se a
phectable col’d lady, I is, an’ £ don’ let no-
body Kis oe, Jcept pao an ge’ ymen.”
“Wha y ax me fo’,
“Neber Axed yo’ ’tall.
“No-no! yo" done call me when I was o’t
in de wood shed.”
“Neber did.
“Den yo’ tol’ me ter, when I come in jus’
now.
“Hat's ’cause I didn’t wan’ yer ter.’
ence, I did,
tellin’ me | yo’ was gwine ter iss me, right
fo” m’ fac
“Hm! yo" toi’ me ter, o’t in de wood
“Neber did, ‘T tol’ yo!”
“Mam, how yor c’n tol’ ‘sech Stories, I don’
see!
“Ain’ tellin’ no stories. Neber “tor yo”
ter kiss me, o’t in de wood shed, or in de
0, you two serapping
about? What are you doing on the floor,
Joe
Fas? settin’ yer, dat’s all. Ain’ no use
ter agitate you'se’f abo’t dat, Marse Tony.”
“He done kiss me raight in de mouf, de
sassy fellab, an’ I done knock him do’n fo’
it” said Pol
“Sh
e axed me ter,” said Joe. “I was o’t
“in de wood shed, an’ she done holler, ‘Joe,
oh, Joe!’ an’ I ax her wha’ she wan’, an’
. she say, “Come kiss me, hon’,’ and when
come an’ do it, den she haul off her fis’ an’
smack me reel hard, an’ do’n I goes onter
de flo’, kerwallop!”
“Neber did, I tol’ yo’!” protested Polly.
“Well, I heard what Joe says he heard.
Who could it-be if it wasn’t you? You
needn’t be ashamed, Polly. Joe’s a likely
young fellow, and would make you a good
usband.’
“ 'Scuse me, Marse Tony,” said Joe, get-
ti
on’ wan’ no sech fat ol’ niggah wench as
i was lucky for Joe that he got out
when he did.
Polly threw a rolling pin at him, and it
narrowly missed him as he dusted out.
“Ef busy lookin’ aftah de
Thanksgivin’ dinnah, I’d jus’ go aftah dat
yer niggah an’ make him took dat back,”
growled Polly. “Fat ol’ niggah wench!
e all de woo of
him jus’ lak I singe dis turkey,
Then Tony went out and neither “Polly
nor Joe tumbled to the manner in whic!
they had been fooled.
The next day was Thanksgiving, and
there were fine times in the Tompkins
house.
During the morning, Polly, who was up
to her eyes in work, needed some help, and,
going to the back door, she called out to
oe, who was in the barn:
“Hi, dere, yo’ Joe, come in yer.”
“Yas, I will, I don’ tink,” said Joe.
“Wull, hu’y up den; I cyan’t yale
“Reckon. yo’ll hab ter, den. I ain’ agi-
tatin’ m'se't to ° 59 in dere an’ hab yo’ swat
me ober
“Wull, yor "have yo’se’f, an yo” won’ get
swatted.”
“I was *havin’ m’se’f yes’day when yo’
axed me ter come an Kiss yo’, an’ I got
swatted jus’ de s:
“Neber did ax yo" ‘ter kiss me.”
“Dat’s wha’ yo’ say, but Mars? Tony, he
know bettah. I ain’ gwine in dere, an’ dat
settles it.” , _
«
“Yo’ come in yer, hon’, an’ I gives yo’ a
iece 0” pie,” said Polly, coaxingly.
“No, sah, yo’ don’ fool me dat-away.
Yes'day yo’ done tol’ me neber ter come
i
ye Kin agitate you’se’f all yer min’
ter.
That settled it, and Polly had to hustle
for herself or get someone else to help
her,
Most of the churches in Slowcome had
services on Thanksgiving morning.
ere was a church for the colored pop-
ulation in town, and that was not behind
There was a Thanksgiving service there
as well as at the white churches,
ey couldn’t have as large ‘an attend-
ance, proportionately, however, owing to
the fact of many of the members being
cooks and having too much to see to on
that day to get to church.
Folly couldn't go, of course, but Joe did.
@ was Supposed ¢ to stay at home, but he
didn’t, just thi
i fact, Joe ‘aid pretty much as he want-
Doctor,” said
Si i ins,
4 BALL, not far from
the house. “I'm
took c kind o’ bad. Couldn’t you perscribe
fur
“ Drink Jess rum and don’t tell so many
lies,” said th® pretended doctor, walking
on.
Si Higgins was guiity of doing both the
things that the doctor condemned, and s
he couldn’t kick.
e also was not very prompt at settling
his accounts, which was another reason for
his not objecting to the doctor’s rather
plain | japsyase
ally, Tony did not hurt his father’s
business by replying to Si as he di
He simply increased the reputation for
eoeentrlente which the old gent
7 @ went on, leavin, Higgins to
wonder whether the advice had not better
be followed, and. soon he met Mrs. Sours
going to church.
She was _imother unprofitable patient of
the doctor’
“Oh, doctor, how do you do? I’m real
glad to see you. I don’t feel real smart
this morning, and perhaps ret coul
ommend something Meal 5
“G t married to a evarmer and do
more work, instead of gadding about so
“Oh, doctor!” but the doctor had gone
on, and she had to take his advice for
what it was worth.
The colored congregation had gathered
and the teverend Mr. Black, who was quite
brown as to his skin aad decidedly white
as regards his wool, was making a few
preliminary remarks.
Dr. Tompkins right in the
midet of the remarks,
ral coons rubbered to see who the
new comer was, for coons: are as curious
as white folks.
‘Felto, Parson,” said the doctor, walking
up the ai
several cons giggled, and many looked
shock
“How yo’ do, sah?” said Parson Black,
ter dat kitchen an’ I ain’ ter gwine ter, |-
who wasn’t going to allow himself to be
beaten in politeness by a white man.
“Oh, I'm mm pretty flip. You seem to be in
the ring yet yourself.”
This was certainly very flippant talk ‘tor
a church, and the
more shocked.
The ones who had giggled before did so
some more.
“Yas, tank de Lawd, I am in de enj'y-
ment of pretty good health, an’ don’ fin’ no
shocked coons looked
I won’t charge you
anything for this visit, parson. Pretty
pealeny lat of niggers here, ain't
thi
‘there were more black looks and more
titters.
Some thought it funny for the doctor to
talk like
Others, bee contra, were very much put
too,
ut.
However, the parson had to keep his end
up.
‘he doctor was rich, and had given to
the church before, and might do s0 again.
Therefore it was best to keep in with
him, r what he
“Yas’r, de health ob my cong “ation am
putty gen’ally good, tank de Lawd, Brud-
der Tompkins.”
“How about their spiritual condition,
‘| parson?” asked the doctor, walking g up the
steps leading to the platfor
Dat ain’ so good as what Ta lak ter see,
siderin’,
1 “pupposa not, Thanksgiving time,
with a lot of fat hens and chickens and
furkeys lying around, is a big temptation
0 them, ain’t it?”
supposed qfocter was. now right
signeside the parson.
g de fo" hund’eth an’ "lebenth
hyn > suid the latter, desiring to change
the subjec
“Hold on, Brother Black, don't get so
previous,” said the imitation doctor. “I'd
like to say a few words. By the way, if
you want twenty-five dollars or so for the
church, come around this evening, and I'll
let you have it.’
rudder Tompkins will now make a
few remarks,” said the parson, “an’ I hope
you all, will gibe him you’ undiwided at-
tent
Teenty: five dollars was not to be sneez-
ed at and Parson Black was quite willing
to have the doctor speak to the congrega-
tion in consideration of the 5:
he wn beforehand what the
doctor was going, Ve say, he might not have
been so willing.
That tormenting Tony atepped up to the |
desk, gave it a thump, a!
“My dear brothers ‘and Scictens in pack
bronze, coffee-color and cream, I wish
give you a little talk for my money. it
anyone Boes out I'll push his face in, so
sit still.”
‘the ere were horrified Jooks all around,
some laughed outrig)
“ies Thanksgiving and Some of you ate
going to have fine dinn Those of you
who won't were not aul enough or the
hen house door was locke:
anere were more oes ‘and more black
loo!
eDon't let a little thing like that disturb
you the nex! Now, as I was saying,
he fundamental principle of morality in
this world is whether the hen house door is
locked or not, There are Tots of men who
are honest simply because they can’t get
the hen house door open.
“On the other hand, as I remarked be-
fore, it is no credit to a man not to go in
swimming on a Sunday when the ther-
because they haven’t the nerve to do any
differ
lows in this house, and I could pick ’em
out by the dozen. -There’s Joe Tompkins
over there, and Solomon White and Jeffer-
son Brown and Jackson Green. They’d all
be great poker players if chips cost only a
cent a hundred.
“Fifthly, and to conclude, you niggers
want to get a hustle on you and earn that
twenty-five cases or you'll find a string on
it when you go to grab it. e will now
sing that beautiful hym
Then Tony suddenly skipped out by the
back way, as there were evidences that the
goons. were getting ready to make trouble
for h
“tee ‘sing de fo'teenth hymn,” said Par-
son Black, glad that the doctor had skip-
“he wanted that quarter hundred sand oe
didn’t want trouble, and
glad that the doctor had obviated te by | get-
ting out.
for the mo:
The old gent had had a good dinner, and
was feeling very benevolent, a fact which
Tony-was sure of when he made that prom-
ise for him,
“Good evening, sah,” said the colored
parson, as he came in. “I jus’ called in
o—’
, good evening, Mr. Black, good even-
Let me see, it’s about this time, us
ually, that I give you something for your
Brudder Tompkins, but it ain’ so bad, con- :
“Fourthly, there’s a lot of just such fel-
mn, When Ro!
the Hen’s Nest Again,’ omitting the steenth
se.” -
That evening he called on the doctor”