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CABLE’S GIRL.
BY “ED.”
I met Cable on the corner last evening,
He looked ma:
Very mad; in fact, looked as if the
wholesale slaughter of a couple of thou-
sand innocent babes, and the refusal of
the job to massacre their afiticted parents
would be the only thing that could restore
his. ¥ jonted sere:
I pr retended not to notice it.
P Slay ully kicked him, by.way of salu-
tation, incidentally mentioned that the
return of the last quarter which he had
borrowed of me would be agreeable, and
carelessly remarked that it would have
been a pleasant moonlight night if there
had been any mo
Cable said he uesse ed 8
Then he snatched off the hat of an un-
protected little orphan whose big brother
ead, and who n’t have any crow
and flung it ice the ‘street, laughing like
a dozen assorted hyenas at beholding the
unprotected little orphan’s wild lamenta-
tions, when an icg-wagon knocked con-
vulsions out of i
ele” said i, in amazement, “ why is
this th usly
It kinder soothes my feelings,” he re-
ca
plied.
“What ails your feelings?”
Cable took a chew of tobacco, grinned
diabolically at a passing female and
darkly remarked:
* The river is deep; the tide flows swift,
and gorpses often float ~ beyond Coney | m
Islan
said I,
“you _have certainly
got rats in your garret.
I always knew
* that too much | of the foaming lager would
create a vacancy in family, and an
da he, solemnly, “you are B,
s., beef-staken. I ain't got the James
james, All that ails ne is——"
* Biles?” I asked,
“Nary biles—something worser.”
“e Gramps
“Wro
oe Blinds taggers
“No,
‘3 3
, Sir—it is the painful pangs of un-
reduited affectio
leaned against alamp- post for support.
Oh, say itagain,” I gasped.
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10 Young Klond
t
Cable smiled.
A very contemptuous st smile,
“You can’t understand high-toned lan-
” he Joftily uttered, “so I'll talk
ork, a I've got the sack.”
.Y ou hay
“Jest you ‘bet. My daisy’s gone back on
me Which daisy?”
“That big-mouthed, trap-door-ear, pug-
nosed, clump-footed, ,crosweyed wreck that
waddies around B + the name of Ma.
tilda Ann Hoggi a
“Ca able,” I Boxed, reproachfully, ‘how
t how can I what?” requested he,
“Talk freckle-faced about that Budding
woman. Didn’t you tell me, not over a
week ago, that she was the prettiest,
sweetest, darlingest Gussie that ever
struck a fellow for mixed confectionery
and i ice cream
“Ed,” replied he, “opinions change;
through blue glass.
“Well,” I i uired, “my blighted luy-
fer what caused the change in your opin-
on
“T'll tell you,” said Cable, absent!
kicking a red-collared poodle under an as:
cart “you see I went around there last
‘0
“Went around where?”
“To Maria’s of course, stupid, Well,
there was quite a lot of fellers and girls
ghere,. and I thought that I’d be funny.
0 Si :
“* “Maria, when you was young, did you
ever go down in the cellar and catch your
uth on a meat-hoo!
© Maria looked as if she had suddenly
struck active convulsions, and says she, in
astonishment :
“*Of coursenot! What ever put such
a sill idea in your head?’
ecause,’ I returned, thinking that I
was saying something awfully comic,
“anyone, to look at your face, would think
that you had, and furthermore that you
had lef fc your mouth hanging on the meat-
prowght 2 up the cellar,
hen Cable sig!
* What followed vr inquired.
“I'm kinder sensitive about that,” mur-
mured my friend; ‘‘ wou
nobody laughed.
thought: that_a howitzer battery had
strack me. But it wasn't—it was only
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reckon I must have been surveying her |*
Maria. She just took me by the collar,
combed my face with her fairy fingers, set
a couple of chairs and a sofa on top of me,
dusted me off with a clothes-pounder, an
then coolly remarked as she histed me out
the parlor window:
“**Next time you try to insult me, you
damaged masher, you'll think you've run
against a first-class thunderstorm.’
** And,” concluded Cable, “the police-
man that picked me up outside on the side-
walk said that he had never seen a chap in
o many pieces before.. Had to tie me ke
gether with a rope before we got e
dri rug store for fear that I'd fall ate and
im in a muss with the Street-Clean-
ee
Bur
8 Anything else?” I carelessly requested.
“* Nothing ; except t that court-plasterand
arnica went up per_cent, in the
neighborhood where I r ive, But, Ed, there
was one thing that hurt my feelings’ worse
than the laying out that I got.”
““ What was that
“She publicly aitudin’ to me asa dam
en everybody knows that
Lain’t sweet seventeen yet. But,” Cable
went on, “ wafter all I’m glad that herand I
will no longer.chew the
Ta ee root or troty peacefully home from
church on Sunday nights with a jealous
gang yelling:
*** Pike Cable an’ bis gal!” -
“Why ?” languidly I asked.
“se “Bat Maria was so fat.”
«yen b She always used to clean
her old man’s sidewalk in winter by sitting
on it and melting the snow off. Only thi
that she could sit on without busting it
was an iron chair, and when she gained a
pound .or two extra she had to build
masonry under that.
Just then a policeman came along and
had a muss with my girl I could have stood
here for weeks, and the whole police force
wouldn’t have said anything.”
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