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—THAPPY DAYS =
9S
This story commenced in No, 125,
TONY THE
TORMENT;
KEEPING THE VILLAGE ALIVE.
By TOM TEASER,
Author of “ Buldoon in Search of a
ick,” “Our Willie,
usin,” ‘ Mortimer Merry,” ‘“ Fred Frol-
" " Muldoon in Chicago,” ete., etc,
PART V.
For a minute there threatened to bea
re; wlar scrap between those two old girls,
he crowd hoped there would
aber § were getting so that they fikea ex:
"he citem:
— Tony y wanted to see the fun too,
i" a
[
?
“That'll dew ye,” snickered \Si Higgins,
“but we seen He a all the same.”
Foggs s
“iH ml” he said. “Everybody knows that
your re. the a ee gest liar in town, Higgins,
” returned Higgins. not at
all abashed, “but we seen ye, fur all thet.”
Theold fellow's obstinacy simply aroused
theirs, and it became & question of who
could hold out the longe:
Somebody told thee ‘widow that Foggs
denied having ever met her, or started to
present per with a bunch of flowers.
ih, he does, does he?” snorted Sours,
“Well, I didn’t get 'em, certainly, because
he was blind and mistook that dried- -up
old maid for me, Must have been blind to
take her for me! He intended to give me
the roses anyhow, and that’s enough for
me, I s'pose he'll deny he serenaded me
nex
“He doe
“Oh, ees? Well, I'll give him a
chance ta tell his story in court next, and
we'll see if he’ll deny things that every-
bo ody knows there. If he does, he’s a bigger
liar and a braver man than I think heis,
Things promised to pretty lively for
Foggs if they went on as they had been
going.
Pas ee i j
| nt
ue
WZ), a
i
“pur ouT your ToNncuES!” “YAs'R, BUT WIA’ FO" Yo" De
OUT CAME THE TWO TON
NEARLY CHOKED IN THEIR EFFOR
ENTING,”
He didn’ t dare oviy however,
“You give me them ruses,"
widow.
“I won't do itl” snapped B Betsey Ann,
“Then why didn’t you get
‘Because Mr. Foge ZS Jost is ‘hasses.”
“ “Well, he found his sen!
When he hasn’t his gensesl he’s blind.”
“ “He must be blind to think anything of
" said the
ou!”
7eDon’ t you talk like that to me, Betsey
Ann Perkins!”
“You can’t stop me talking, Sarah Jane
Sours
**Them’s my roses,”
“TLet’s see you get em,”
rks.
The circus was just fun to them,
Mrs, Sours stuck up her nose.
“ Keep the roses,” she said,
lots more where those came fro!
Then she walked off witha “rlamphant
lo
ok,
The old maid didn’t gaind that so long
as she had secured the r
The next time the crowd caw Foggs they
guyed him most unmercifu
It didn’t make any difference his deny:
ing that he had given roses to the old
“ Ican get
aid.
mthe had all seen him do it and now he
was simply trying to craw
geron his Sart declared that they
were ail liars and had made up the story
for gampalgn purposes,
“Twouldn’t go near a woman, much less
give her. roses,” he snorted. ‘‘I wouldn't
care if there wasn’t a woman in town,”
* Of course we did,” ” put in Bill Porter,
“T was there myself,’
meee old bachelor rouldn't give in even
“ Hub! cdi he sal knows that you’ re
half cracked,” he said to Bill. ‘You jus
ima, ined
*Butl dian’ t imagine it,”said the store-
keeper, ‘I was there and saw the whole
business,
Still Foggs would not give pp his case,
He was an obstinate old du
“Oh, rats!” he said, oe Gnite 3 backing
up Higgins and Porter so as to keep their
tr ade, 1 now Ww you, You'd lie co save a
“a ger the judge and the doctor andthe
deacon saw you, and they’!
thing!” snorted the other, getting mad.
“* Wouldn't believe any of ’em,” returned
Foggs, a “Thnow whatIdo and what I
don't do, and nobody can persuade me
that I aid a thing that I Iknow I didn’t, and
that settles it!”
It settled it only as far as he was con-
cerne
It did not settle it with the rest.
They had seen certain things, or be-
lieved that they had, and the exldence of
their senses was all the evidence they
wanter
The more F oggs denied the thing the
more they thought he was lying,
he wasn't lying, he was trying to
crawl to keep from being made fun of,
fhe had acknowledged the corn in the
first place, or had said nothing about it, he
wouldn’ t have got it so
e@ jokers would ha ‘ave laughed a little,
and’ ‘would have then let it go at that,
DAT?” “puT OUT YOUR TONGUE I TELL YOU. I'M EXPERI-
JRTHER., I CAN’? SEE 'EM.”
$ TO GET THEIR TONGUES FURTHER OUT,
THOSE TWO GULLS
pote this time the doctor had to go off
the other end of town to perform a
rounds, lemonade, ice cream, swings, kiss-
ing games and all,” he thoug ‘hte
**QOh, doctor, I feel so ill i chirped the
wider esa! as she fopped into a cha
ed doctor. on What scene to be the matter
with ror a
“Ol Idon't:- know, but I feel awfully
sick,
a ‘Anything in the nature of magnum
bonum or lapsus linguae, my dear madam?
Those, diseases are quite prevalent now-a-
ys.”
© Dear me, you don’t say so, doctor ”
“Yes, quiteso, Anything ‘like either of
them?”
“Well, I guess not, but I feel awful
sick,” and the silly old girl groaned and
looked like a sick ¢:
H'm! perhaps it 's a case of non sequi-
tur, or of non compos mentis, or of e pluri-
bus num, They are all rather danger-
me ‘Oh, dear, do you think so?” cackled
the Widow, alarmed by the supposed doc-
tor’s,Latin, which was really meaningless,
but which greatly rattled her. I didn’t
think it was anything so bad as that.”
“Wait a moment and I'll tell you just
what it is,” said the bogus doctor, looking
wise. “I think I. kn
then he got downa 2 book and looked In-
to it
“ 1 ‘m, you don't sleep weil?”
** No, i don’ t, doct
She lied, for shecoula discount the Seven
Sleepers, and always had to be called a
dozen times in the mornin;
“Ha, don’t eat much, either, do you?”
asked tony, severely, glaring from the
book to the patient.
“No, doctor, I don't, searcely anything.”
There she tied again, for she ale like a
wv by, even that morning she hadeatena
dish of ham and eggs, a saucer of oatmeal,
a fried fish, some warmed over beans and
four slices ‘of bread, and had taken three
cups of coffee.
The doctor seemed to want her to say
she had no appetite, and so she
“}'m, h’m!"'and the pretended physician
looked more owlishly solemn than ever,
“Ts iba very bad case, doctor ?” whined
the widow,
“Tthink so, Put out your tongue.’
aie wid widow ran out about three inches of
re
She had lots more than that,
‘That would dofora Starter, s she thought,
la, just as TF thou u have the
ignis fatuus, Til bow Jou Sust what I
Then the imitation medico thumped the
bell for Joe, the colored factotu
e that wort thy ina short ‘time,
“Jew ring fo’ me, s:
“Yes,” and the doctor got
“Stand up,” wpe said to the \ Fidow.
The widow s' 5
“Put out your tongue,” the doctor said
‘0 Joe,
“But isn’ sick, doctah,”
“Put out your tongue, Isay.”
Out it came.
“Further out,”
Joe ran out aninch or so more of tongue,
a There, you can see his tongue, can't
you
She couldn't very well help seeing it,
mui
oon rt gotall those things, has
ne doctor t"'s ked
No, and Ir m going to show you the dif-
ain,
The alse physean stood between the
aroere surgical operation, which would | tw
take him pretty nearly all day to get
through with,
fis wife ‘happened to be busy when he
eft t the house and knew nothing about it,
did, how
The patien| ont his own carriage for the
doctor, and that’s why Joe did not have to
go away as he usually
In fact, Joe knew nothing ort the affair,
being busy in the barn at the t
‘ony Ww the only one whe * got on
to his father’s going aw:
ay, ex
ithe ofa forenoon he. ‘fixed himself up
as the old gentleman and went into the
say the same| o:
‘Patients might call, as they sometimes
and he wanted to have some fun.
Mots of persons called on the doctor who
were not really sick, and Tony knew this,
He had seen them lots of times, and
knew that his father just humbugged
them to keep their practice,
If anybody called who was really ill,
Tony meant to get out of it somehow,
Well, he made himself up as the doctor
and went into the o
He did not have Tong to wait before
here was a call,
It proved to be from Mrs, Sours, who
came in looking very Baye
She was sn’t sick it all, but she thought
=
8
Perhaps she wanted an excuse to be with
a man.
When Tony saw her he chuckled to him-
self.
*Tere’sa picnic, brass band, merry-go-
le had a long lead pencil in his hand
and looked solemn,
First he rapped Joe's tongue with the :
pencil ar {
Then he whacked the widow's, but not
so hard,
“Ouch!”
“Put out your tongues!”
**'Yas'r, but wha’ fo’ yo’ does dat
“Put t out your tongue I tell so. I'm
timenting.” .
ut came the two tongues. , -
“Fa ruber: I can’t see
Those two gulls nearly Pr oked in their
efforts to get their tongues further o
n Tony whacked them both agalte
“ Wow!" said Soe.
“Ouch!” said Sou
“There! You will “observe the difference,
If you had said ‘ ror . pavoula have known
hat you were all rig’
“Ts ery bad fo tay * Ouch,’ doctor %”
sniveled the widow
* Put out your tongue—away out!”
The widow complied,
Put out yours, you black villain!”
Jee complied a also,
Now I will try another experi-
meni? maid Tony, glaring at the two who
were looking fixee ay at him, their tongues
extended to the limit,
Joe began co shake,
The widow groaned.
“Put Maree tongue’
ete arse Destah, T’se got it o’t as
far as I kin
eh!” snorted the suppos- '