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THE LEPRACAUN.
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humorous matter suitable for publication.
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A non 40-4l,RUNGlER STREET
MARCH, x9o7.
THE OPENING OF PARLIAMENT.
THE KING'S SPEECH.
WHY NO FORECAST WAS PUBLISHED.
(BY OUR GALLERY, PIT AND Boxes VERBATIM VERACXTIES.)
VVESTMINSTER, F121;. 12.
His MAJESTY opened Parliament in the damp, not-
withstanding “ King’s Weather” prophesies.
The fact that no forecast of the “ Speech from the
Throne" was published in any of the papers, is due. it
appears, to the original speech having been unaccount-
ably mislaid.
The text of the speech which was not (I’clz'z'vrz’zI’ was as
follows :a
“ Mv Loans AND GENTLEMEN-e
“The Foreign Powers and Ourselves are no worse
enemies than we used to be, but nobody wants any light
at present.
“ The recent elections in Germany have given my
nephew Billy an acute attack of the ‘big-headed fever,’
but he has, I am glad to say, been enabled to cancel a
large order to his hatter.
“The regrettable earthquake in Jamaica will give you
an idea how shaky some of Our Colonial possessions are.
“ In India the Amir condescended to come ‘o'er the
border ’ of the Scientific Frontier and open a Bazaar or
two, which the natives regard as nothing less than an
Avatar, which is only right.”
“ GENTLEMEN or rue House 01-‘ ComroNsa'I‘he Chan-
cellor of the Exchequer tells me he had a high old time
last year; my earnest wish is-Keep it up by all means.”
“ MY LoRDs AND GEN'rLeMeN-
“The condition of Ireland calls for immediate legis-
lation.
“ Ifthe time were ripe, a full measure of Home Rule,
on Cork Hill lines, with Councillor Vance as Prime
Minister; Alderman Kelly, First Lord of the Admiralty ;
Councillor lDr. McVValter, President of the Local
Government Board; Councillor Brady, Lord Chancellor ;
Alderman Doyle, Chairman of Committees; Alderman
Reigh, Chancellor of the Exchequer ; Councillor James
Cahill, Master of the Mint, and other similar appoint-
ments, which my Irish metropolitan statesmen have
proved themselves abundantly qualified for.
“ Commending your ardous labours to the forgiveness
of Providence, and advising you all to lay in a supply
of ‘ Keating,’ ‘ Peps,’ ‘ Owbridge,’ ‘ Bile Beans,’ or
whatever your particular lubrication is, you may now
take up your positions in your respective Gas-Houses.”
The Speech which was delivered instead of the above,
being evidently hurriedly constructedahad a most dis-
appointing effect on His Majesty’s audience. It was
also observed that, at the conclusion of his address,
His Majesty, in a lit of absent-mindedness, gave the
Queen his left hand, which, however, Her Majesty
immediately returned to him, to the intense relief of all
present.
His Majesty wore his hat at full cock, no doubt as a
precaution against an attack of Szlfragellui‘ marlms.
“The Irish Emerald,”.
FUN, INTEREST, INFORMATION,
FOR YOUNG AND OLD.